Thursday, May 2, 2013

Kris Kross Will Make You Write To-Do Lists

When you wake up at 5:00am to the news that one of the members of Kris Kross is dead at the age of 34 and you rub your eyes and do the math, and SHIT, that's how old YOU are...you start to get a little nervous. A little nervous and reminiscent.


So I'm sitting in front of my computer making to-do lists. Because everyone knows that with a to-do list, nothing bad can happen. Unless you lost the list, of course, which is why I've made them in triplicate and hid them about the house. I'm also considering going to the tattoo parlor later. (Side note: there are MANY tattoo parlors in Texas. See also: erotica shops.)

Holy shit, you should see my to-do list. I have a lot to do. Now I'm stressed. And now I'm probably going to have a heart attack. This is backfiring.

Maybe I'll relax and reminisce, because now I'm also remembering this show that comes on ESPN Classic all the time, which is a station I've never seen in existence outside of my local YMCA. It's called Battle of the Network Stars and it's got people like David Letterman and Michael J. Fox and Tutti from Facts of Life, all looking like they're about 15 years old, and doing field day sports like tug-of-war and relay races and sitting in the dunk tank.


And now that I've wasted 20 minutes of my day at 5:00am looking at videos of David Letterman's curly hair, I'm back to being stressed about my to-do list. Fucking Kris Kross, man.

Let's do some housekeeping:

1. If you haven't been keeping track of my MIA ass, you may have missed me at MamaPop where I spent the month of April talking about:

1) How I kind of hate Amanda Palmer and her poetry.
2) Sportacus and Lil Jon.
3) Weird Science, the horrible 80s movie and what will likely be the horrible modern remake.
4) Melania Trump and her son, Eggface.
5) and the downward spiral of Jessica Alba into Gwyneth Paltrow-dom.
6) and EVEN MORE!

2. Same goes for The Mouthy Housewives. Check it:

1) Death--er, HUSBANDS--and taxes.
2) A woman and mother who needs more than a wine cooler.
3) And this question I answered for BlogHer Moms that stressed me the fuck out.

3. I have been working behind the scenes with awesome people from Chobani and Mightee Kids, and you can expect to see a bit more of them here on the blog. (And they totally didn't pay me to say that. But they did give me yogurt. And t-shirts.) I'm also planning on doing my annual Summertime Blues giveaway very soon, so you should probably get excited for THAT mess.

4. My kids have been doing some crazy things here lately, and I feel the need to update you on that. So if someone could remind me tomorrow?

I'm off to the gym. Today is Body Pump which means I'll spend at least 15 minutes of my morning sticking my ass out behind me during squats and wondering how see-through my exercise pants really are.