Monday, February 4, 2013

January Rewind

The month of January flew by with very little action on the blog, so I thought I'd do my best to sum up the beginning of my 2013 in list form. I feel like there's so much I haven't told you.

1. On my flight home from NY, I witnessed a flight attendant that was SO enthusiastic about demonstrating the plane's safety features that I'm pretty surprised he didn't work jazz hands into the routine. I'm still unsure if he was really happy to be demonstrating, or on the verge of snapping and pulling the emergency exit chute. It was awesome.

He actually looked just like this guy, too.
 2. I was driving with my boys the other day when Plus One became inexplicably fascinated with the black pickup truck in front of us. There was nothing particularly remarkable about this truck, I should point out.

"Look, we're following that truck!"

"Well, we just happen to be going the same way for the moment..."

"Who is in that truck? Is it a family? Do they live near us?"

"I have no idea, buddy. Could be anyone."

"Let's follow them home so we can meet them!"

"Well, that's not really how things work..."

"C'mon, mom! It's the manly thing to do!"

(The fuck?)

3. I've been running and working out and stuff and so the time had come that required me to buy a new pair of "tennis shoes" as they call them hear in Texas. So I went downtown to a store that did a stride analysis to fit me into a pair that would be worth their price tag. For those of you who have never had this done, it requires you to get on a treadmill and run for a few seconds so they can record, slow down, and watch your stride.

Fortunately for everyone involved, I was not asked to strip to my underwear.

This shouldn't have been a problem since, as I said, I've been running. Except that the week prior (yes, a FULL SEVEN DAYS), I'd done this Cross-Fit-Boot-Camp type class that had essentially destroyed my calf muscles and so I'd been limping ever since. Let's just stride

I'm not sure what was worse: watching my stride back in slow motion in front of the entire store or watching THE ENTIRE STORE watching my stride back in slow motion.

I bought the most expensive pair of shoes and high tailed it out of there.

4. The Mouthy Housewives have reemerged from hibernation, in case you missed that. I wrote some words of wisdom for a woman who is thinking of roaming Craigslist for a date.

5. I got a PR pitch to interview motherfucking STAN LEE, and so I gave the guy my number, but longstoryshort, Stan Lee totally stood me up.

Call me maybe?
 Anyway, I'm thinking of adding that one to the ol' resume.

6. Over at MamaPop, I made your January spectacular by reliving the TRL photobooth with vintage images, talked Ryan Lochte's reality show, would not stop laughing about the Te'o meme, and discussed my irrational urge to see Move 43.

(Um, there was also the post about my romantic dream involving Dr. Paul Nassif of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. But let's not talk about that one.)

7. That's it. Unfortunately. Would've been more pleasing to have a nice list of 10 or 12, but I'm going to pretend I'm above such neurosis.

Stay tuned for the February rewind wherein I'll report back about my first ever 5K and the next quasi-celebrity that doesn't call me on my cell phone.