Thursday, January 31, 2013

10 Reasons Why You Should Be Glad I Didn't Blog In My 20s

This post is part of a "Blog Hop!" (I don't know...I think it's inspired by one of those old-timey dances?) After you read mine, be sure to check out posts on the same topic by the hilarious ladies linked at the bottom of the post!

Dearest readers, I know we've had our ups and downs lately. We triumphed together when my Clicking Elephant post nearly scored me a spot (not really) on that reality show, Infested! And you respectfully looked the other way when I blathered on about wanting to buy a pair of boots to wear with legging pants and OMG THE LUMINEERS and...holy shit, did I have a midlife (well, more like a one-third-life) crisis?!

(Don't answer that.)

But my point here is that we should all take a moment to be thankful that I'm writing--and you're reading--the blog of a 30-something SAHM and not one penned by me as a 20-something year-old single woman of the night. Man, if I blogged in my 20s, it would be full of angsty poetry! Drunken post-writing! Lengthy pictorials of dates with boys I met on Friendster! Interviews of indie bands I heard of WAY BEFORE YOU! Me lusting over fellow bloggers! (WHO NOW ARE ON TV AND I'M NOT BUT LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT IT!) Stories about how I got kicked out of a Modest Mouse concert this one time while my ...!

...

...No, wait a minute...that really happened...

In fact, all of these things...happened...

OH THAT'S RIGHT!

I DID BLOG IN MY 20s!

Shit.

Well, now that THAT cat is out of the bag.

Should I give you a taste? These things cannot be unseen, please remember.

1. For example, this was my profile picture:

I am not proud of this.

2. And I used to quote song lyrics and post cryptic things.

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons have run away but the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is
What's so simple in the moonlight, by the morning is so complicated.
What's so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight

my friday night consisted primarily of hairspray and red wine. my saturday, children and cameras. (life can be so much more pure and manageable when we have fewer words with which we clutter the empty, stagnant spaces.) 


3. Oh, and I didn't believe in capitalization back then either! This...is embarrassing. Moving along! Here's an excerpt from a recap of a night on the town:

 hey G! how you feelin'?

"i'm a little bit very much wasted."

excellent!


after this proclamation and another encounter with some G-lovin' boys, we decided it was time to go home. i thought of harrassing the cops with my gang signs until they offered a ride, but evidently i'm not very threatening. so we just called my kickass brother instead. i had Gina pose on the corner of Broadway as we waited for our ride. it seemed like a totally non-stupid idea for two drunk girls to be doing in the ghetto at three in the morning...

Oh, okay. That wasn't much better.

::scans old blog further::

4. Okay, so I just spotted the phrase "Queen Latifah assertiveness" so I'm gonna go ahead and pull the plug on this little walk down memory lane.

You know, when I signed on to do this little Blog Hop thing, my angle was going to be one that highlighted my youthfulness! Of course I blogged in my 20s! I'm barely thirty now! (Ahem!) Jokes on these old suckers! But it seems as if the rest of the geezers on this list are getting the last laugh. Go check them out. Tell them the youthful one with a torrid past of binge drinking sent you!

Tales of (Married) Mikkimoto
Ann's Rants
The MamaBird Diaries
Baby on Bored
Peace, Love & Guacamole
Wendi Aarons
Midlife Mixtape
The Flying Chalupa
I'm Gonna Kill Him
Smacksy
Earth Mother Just Means I'm Dusty
Motherhood in NYC