For the past five--eek, almost SIX--years, I've been a stay-at-home mom. But lately, there has been talk in my house of me returning to the work force. The plan was always for me to stay home until the kids were both in school full-time, so it's not like it's coming out of the blue, but...still. My feelings are mixed, varying between heartache that I'll never be a "kept woman" and excitement that I'll "get the fuck out of the house already." But, my therapist says I should try to be more "concrete" and "serious" about my feelings rather than "sarcastic" and "ridiculous." So, with that in mind, the flurry of thoughts and emotions that have encompassed me during this period of time can be summarized thusly:
1. OMFG, what if I forgot how to teach?
2. This is seriously going to cut into my RHONJ-watching time.
Let's start with the latter: money. Because, after living (well enough, I might add...I'm not complaining) on one income for the past MILLION YEARS or so, the thought of having surplus income is making me somewhat DRUNK with excitement. And obviously "drunk" and "excitement" are great places to start when making a "concrete" and "serious" list about your feelings.
So. I feel "drunk" and "excited" about money for the following reasons:
1. Fiscally responsible things!
(This exists as number one in case my husband and/or therapist reads this post.)
We've taken many family trips the boys, but most of these have been to see family members. Once we went with "Poppy & FiFi" to see Thomas the Train, which was super-fun, but the near-death experiences and whole sleeping-in-a-rail-car made it somewhat less "Mediterranean getaway" than I'd hoped for.
Recently, my sister-in-law mentioned that she'd love to take a cruise with us and the boys for an upcoming monumental birthday (I think she's turning 29). And while I was initially excited, I kind of knew it wasn't REALLY gonna happen.
BUT IF I'M GAINFULLY EMPLOYED?! Let's just say I've been researching cruises like a MOTHER, including some that depart from FOREIGN LANDS. Why? BECAUSE I CAN. (So far, my favorite is this one from England, by Thomson cruises mainly because I like the name "Gatwick.")
3. Home improvements!
Oh HELL yes, I'm excited about things like Benjamin Moore paint, sink fixtures, and bathroom renovations! But mostly that's because, in my mind, I've hired someone to do the work and my husband isn't looking over my shoulder with a disappointed gaze muttering things like "DIY" and "elbow grease."
We'll revisit this one when I'm working through my weekend off. Ahem.
At the moment, my home is essentially powered by testosterone. I do my best to assert my female tendencies, but my Scentsy collection, for example, is often met with groans, dry heaving, and plugged noses by the three men in the house. My husband tries to cheer me up by reminding me that Fluffy Cat is also a female, but then I remind him that she often vomits on the couch, so it's kind of a wash.
Some extra cash, however, could mean more regular visits to the salon! As in, more than every 6 - 9 months! And maybe a new cat! Imagine!
Anyway, these are just my initial thoughts, and I'm already starting to theorize how they'll rear up to bite me in the ass. The more I think about it, the more I see the downside of returning to work.
Like the "showering daily" part.
Ugh. I'm getting depressed already.