Tuesday, October 9, 2012


I almost added another member to my family this weekend. She looked kind of like this:

Hideous, right?

It all happened like this: my friend Lisa was in town from New York and we were taking a stroll through the neighborhood because it happened to be 56 degrees in Texas instead of the usual 147. Plus One and her were a few paces ahead while I tried to convince my youngest that he did not, in fact, have frostbite. When I looked up again, I noticed this small errant dog had joined our posse.

Lisa was trying to lead it back across the street where it had come from, but the dog was a loyal thing, simply following her back once they'd crossed.

I caught up to them and we all stared at the sweet, terrified-looking puppy.

Me: Omg, she's SO CUTE.

Lisa: I can't get her to stop following me. What if she follows us home?


Plus One: I DO NOT want that dog at my house. NO WAY. [Sticks out tongue at tiny canine.]

We decided to knock on a few doors to see if she belonged to anyone in the immediate vicinity. We came up with no leads, but one very kind woman offered to keep her inside until someone came looking for her. At least she'd be off the street. And, if you asked my littlest kid, no longer in danger of freezing to death in 50 degree weather.

And that was pretty much it...but, you guys? For a moment, I was seriously considering what I'd say to the husband to ease the shock of the new small dog in the back yard that was terrifying both one of our kids and (probably) both of our cats. That's right, in an instant, I envisioned a family meeting in the living room, with this lap dog sitting on the coffee table as I pointed at a hastily-constructed PowerPoint presentation.

Proper Care of Your New Puppy

--treat your puppy with love and tenderness. (Do not try to ride him.)

--complete nutrition for your puppy does not include fruit snacks. Puppy food does not include chicken nuggets.

--take your puppy for walks. (Even when it is a frigid 56 degrees.)

But it was a short-lived daydream, what with Plus One terrified that the 7 pound creature would eat him alive and all. Plus, the owner drove by shortly thereafter, calling the name ALICIA! from his truck window.

Alicia? Who names their dog Alicia?

It kind of ruined it for me.