Thursday, July 26, 2012

Writing on Red Bull

There's so much I want to tell you guys. Mostly it's just about the time I tried out a Zumba class and couldn't walk for three days, but there's other stuff too, like the dead rat I found in my back yard while I was mowing the lawn for like the first time ever IN MY LIFE, oh and also I bought this new magical scale that, when I walk it up the stairs from the kitchen to my bedroom, detects that I lose FIVE POUNDS, but I've been so busy walking up and down the stairs since then that I haven't had time to chat.

DEEP BREATH

And then there's the fact that I'm flying back up to the Hudson Valley with my two VIVACIOUS children on Saturday and will be seeing my hair stylist for the first time in over a year (and also my family and friends--YES I HAVE BOTH), and what if it's awkward or she doesn't remember my name; and additionally what if I don't survive the FOUR HOUR LAYOVER (that is totally my fault and that I booked on purpose) with my two children, who--if you recall from our last trips on airplanes--have a predilection for clashing with security and elderly people with walkers?

DEEP BREATH

Plus, once I get to New York, there's the fact that I'm going to BlogHer to see some of my very best friends in the world that I haven't seen in AGES (a year) which will be great, but what if they hear me fart, and I also have to get up on stage for the Voices of the Year thing, which could result EPICALLY DISASTROUS HIVES OH GOD THE HIVES I FEEL THEM ALREADY, oh and I've been working for WEEKS planning the Come As You Are party with the other Mouthy Housewives and I'm so worried things won't come together and what if it turns into a scene from CARRIE and then we'll all get arrested, which would really be bad for our book deal (which we don't have), especially since I just talked to Soledad O'Brien on the phone and said things to her like "just...umm...community...women...THINGS" and I'm ALREADY picturing her mental note to send a courier to her publishing house friends POSTHASTE.

AND NOW THIS KSTEW BULLSHIT?! WHAT THE FU---

(deep breath)

Anyway, so that's what I've been up to. How are you?

_________

Read me this week at The Mouthy Housewvies and MamaPop. (times two) DO IT.