And so, to be fair to my children, home, and husband, I wanted to utilize you guys to help me assess the situation with a more discerning (and less Holy Water) eye. So, I present to you the following scenarios. I only ask of you, dear reader, to identify those which are real and those which have only been seen in horror films.
No pressure or anything. I have the exorcist on hold.
Scenario #1
Scene: Kitchen at dusk. Mother enters the room to see her young child sitting in a dark corner, making unintelligible sounds.
Mom: Heeyyyy...buddy... [Advancing slowly toward the child.] ... whatchya doin' over there?
Son: [No response.]
Mom: [Still advancing slowly.] Kiddo?
Son: [Turns suddenly, enraged.] I HAVE TO DO THE NUMBEEEEEEEERS!
Scenario #2
Scene: Children's bedroom, late at night. The kids are asleep and the mother has entered to kiss them once more before retiring for the evening.
Mom: [Opens door, which makes a heinous creaking sound. Makes mental note to purchase WD-40 for the love of GOD.]
Something in room: [Tick, tick, tick...Tick, tick, tick...]
Mom: [Grabs child's glowworm as a flashlight and protector. Tiptoes fearfully toward the sound, which seems to be coming from the kid's dresser.]
Something in room: [Tick, tick, tick...Tick, tick, tick...]
Mom: [Shines glowworm at a large, heavy souvenir elephant carving that her husband has brought back from a foreign land.]
Something in room: [TICK, TICK, TICK...TICK, TICK, TICK...it continues to taunt her.]
Mom: [Picks up elephant slowly, terror in her eyes. The sound is coming FROM INSIDE THE ELEPHANT.]
Fade to black as child awakens to a figure standing over his bed, clutching a blunt object.
Scenario #3:
This exhibit of preschool artwork.
Mom: [Gulp.]
