Monday, February 20, 2012

Dream Study

I don't often have nightmares. I mean, sometimes I have the occasional Angelina-Jolie-is-stealing-my-husband night terror, but don't we all? No, this is different. Lately I've been having a distinct nightmare...a recurring one at that. In fact, I'm not even sure how to say this, so I'll just blurt it out:

I've been dreaming about my passport, you guys.

I don't remember when they first started, but they've been going on for about a few months now. Each scenario has me in a different situation, but the outcome is always the same: I'm about to board the plane to a foreign country when I suddenly remember that I don't HAVE a passport.

In fact, I misplaced it during a college move, and it hasn't been seen since.

Going to sleep at night has become quite anxiety-inducing, and for reasons other than those related to my cache of blunt objects. So I think it's time I take a close look at this recurring nightmare and assess what my subconscious is trying to tell me. Naturally, I'll need your help since I haven't yet found a Texas therapist.


So here's some possibilities I've come up with so far.

1. Are people hanging out without me?

At least one of the dreams involved joining a friend (who may have been Ramona from The Real Housewives of New York) (don't judge) for an impromptu trip to the Fiji Islands (I SAID DON'T JUDGE). The entire time I packed, I was plagued with fear that I wouldn't be able to go, and it wasn't until I was at the gate that I fear...was true.

Romona didn't even look back, you guys. SHE JUST LEFT ME THERE.

2. The impending implosion of our economic system and democracy as we know it.

Perhaps I'm subconsciously worried that I'm somehow unprepared for catastrophe should it arise? Like, zombies are suddenly a real thing just when I thought we could stop joking about them nonstop, along with unicorns and ninjas and "hearting" things? This possible fear is one I've thought through more consciously, and came to the conclusion that my husband could probably just smuggle us out on one of his military planes. But, then again, one of his planes would probably be going TOWARD the chaos, that is IF OUR MILITARY EVEN EXISTED ANYMORE, so here I am back at square one, which is, you know, PANIC.

3. The FBI

As I mentioned, I lost my passport at some point in college. I'm not unconvinced it's not actually still in my parents garage, packed away with old combat boots, but parent's garage is another phobia all in itself.

At one point, before I met my husband, I actually went to the local government office to file the paperwork for a new passport, but there was a section on the form that asked me to submit the police report to prove I'd reported it stolen. Fucking POLICE REPORT?! Of course I hadn't called the police! It was COLLEGE. (I didn't realize it was lost until like YEARS later anyway.)  And then there was 9/11, and let's just say I'm slightly worried someone is using my passport for illegal activity and maybe I'm on America's Most Wanted?


These nightmares didn't start until we moved to Texas, and I'm just saying, maybe there's a connection, as Texas *is* actively trying to kill me.

5. Something else entirely related to my anxiety and need for control and preparedness?

Meh. Probably not that one.

(Kindly vote (diagnose, whatever) in the comments.)