Me: Look at how pretty the sky is!
Him: You know me, mom. I always love a good sunset.
Me: How did this thing end up in the garbage?
Him: Maybe you yelled so loud it fell over.
Me: [Walking through the kitchen.]
Him: [Laughing hysterically] YOUR BUTT IS FUNNY!
Me: Plus One? Have you picked up your toys yet?
Him: UGGGHHH, MOOOOMMM. WHY are you always SAYING ALL THE THINGS.
Kid needs a blog, amirite?