Him: [Poking his finger at her shoulder.]
Me: [Muffled, talking into pillow.] What. The. Hell...are you doing?
Him: [Still smushing her shoulder with his finger.] Your skin looks funny here.
Me: [Raising her head to look.] What do you mean it looks funny?
Him: [STILL FUCKING POKING] It's all wrinkled...and splotchy...
Me: [Slapping his hand away.]
Him: It looks like the heads of the aliens on that show...Alien Nation, I think it was?
Me: [Rolls over to face him.] Fucking Alien Nation? THOSE ARE FRECKLES ON MY SHOULDER.
Him: I know...I'm just saying...
Me: [Shaking head in disbelief.] This moment must be, like, the EXACT OPPOSITE of the time John Mayer was inspired to write that song...Your Body is a Wonderland.
Him: [Smirking.] Wife. You're bringing John Mayer into this?
Me: [Drops face back into pillow.] I'm putting this shit on the Internet.