Monday, October 31, 2011

The Curse of Halloween (And a Bad Mother)

This post was originally published October 31, 2010

Today? Today is Halloween. And I've been listening to my son ask me "IS IT HALLOWEEN YET?!" for about three months, so being able to finally say, "Yes! NOW SHUT UP." is quite exhilarating.  On the other hand, I'm a bit nervous. My son is four, and every year on this day he has suffered some sort of catastrophic (kinda) injury.

Year One, Aged Ten Months
Costume: Dragon
Injury: Fell head-first off our porch (just a few steps, really, but OFF THE PORCH) and got a splinter in his nose.

Year Two, Aged 2
Costume: Cookie Monster
Injury: Tripped on the sidewalk, biting through his bottom lip and getting a face full of roadrash. That year he also got spooked by one of our asshole neighbors (hi shitheads!) and remained mute for much of the evening.

Year Three, Aged 3
Costume: SpiderMan
Injury: Bouncing around the living room after a sugar binge, supervised by GRANDMA, busted his nose on the coffee table resulting in an awfully bloody nose and a fainting mother.

Year Four, Aged 4
Costume: SpiderMan (A-frickin-gain. Me: Don't you want to be Iron Man or something instead? This costume has cool built-in muscles! Him: NOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH, WHY DO YOU HAAAATE MEEEEEEEEE...)
Injury: We head out this evening around five o'clock EST, so I'll let you know. And if there isn't any, I'll be sure to trip him up on the way back into the house for good measure.

Happy Halloween punks!

(PS: I'll be going as a witch, naturally.)

Editors note: Last year, there was--miraculously--no injury. However, today, October 31, 2011, my husband is upstairs in our bedroom "rigging" Plus One's Halloween costume, Home Improvement style. What could possibly go wrong?!