Friday, September 2, 2011

Where I've Been

Sorry it's been a slow news week over here, guys. As you know my mom is in town, and I've also started working on some freelance projects, so I'm busy-ish. Plus, the only news to tell you involves BUGS and I think maybe we need to ease up off that for a little while. (Omfg, it was a roach.)

But, also, can we just take a look at THIS for a fucking minute?

Not only has the triple-digit streak come to a halt, but I see THE EIGHTIES up in here. Kids! KIDS! WE CAN FINALLY GO OUTSIIIIIIIIIDE!

(We're all going to emerge from the house pasty white and squinting at the sky, cursing the sun for showing some motherfucking mercy AFTER TWO MONTHS STRAIGHT OF SUFFERING.)

Anyway, I've been elsewhere around the Internet while I haven't been here:

1. First and foremost, remember that video I made with Mandy where we talk about sausage? Well, I made another one with Wendi Aarons and--remember the funny blonde with big boobs on Reno 911?--Wendi Mclendon-Covey. I swear I threw in just as much sausage talk, but it was all edited out. Either way, please go watch and pay no attention to the horrible camera angle and my GIGANTIC thigh.

2. Next, you can read my recap of all the best news coverage of Hurricane Irene, including video of one dude covered in the most disgusting "sea foam" ever witnessed by man. And then he starts to eat it.

3. And did you know Ozzy Osbourne is writing a book? ABOUT HEALTH?!

4. You can also find me representing The Mouthy Housewives over at BlogHer Moms today. There, I counsel a woman whose son is requesting his parents divorce so he can have a cell phone. Little whippersnapper.

5. Oh! And I also wrote a post that will be featured on In the Powder Room, but I think it goes live next week, so stay tuned for that one.

With that, I guess I'm heading outside. Anyone remember that story All Summer in a Day? I feel like I need to pounce on this before someone shoves me in a closet.