Thursday, July 28, 2011

On Shopping for Glue Sticks


Thank you to Crocs for sponsoring this blog post. Please click here to learn more about Crocs’ new Back to School line. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.

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Now that we're in Texas, PlusOne starts school (what feels like) a month earlier. Which means I'll be repressing my urge to sob about my child's inevitable and unstoppable aging process a month earlier. And this will all be happening in August, you see. Which means it'll still be 100+ degrees outside. Which means I'll be still wanting to hide indoors, shades drawn, frozen peas on head. But apparently, Texas has no compassion or regard for human life, and so we'll be forced to go outdoors.

Before then, even, there's the list of supplies I need to purchase. I'm guessing it's because the teachers don't want to go outside either. (Is it customary to write the child's name on each of the 30 pencils? Because I can write pretty small, is all I'm saying.)

There's the issue of clothing as well, but, according to the locals, I might not have to actually buy any back-to-school duds until like...frickin' December. Because of the heat, remember? And there's something that stresses me about THAT one too, but I think it's mostly because it's just NOT NATURAL to shop for school clothes at CHRISTMASTIME and...I think I'll go lay down.

If we REALLY want to get this ugly cry going, there's the whole new-school-new-state thing as well. Plus One was in a preK program back in New York, but we sent him to a small private one that was attached to a church. It met only three times per week for a few hours. In NY, the cutoff was something like December 15, and PlusOne's birthday is the last day of the year. In other words, I was able to stave off sending him into the public arena for another year.

And, in a way, this is good because it means he'll always be the oldest one in his class, and that can mean good things academically, right? (As in, he'll be super smart and become valedictorian and hopefully not super bored and drop out of school to pursue the sideshow circuit.)

From the social angle, however, I go back and forth. He does happen to already weigh 50 pounds. And is nearly four feet tall. At four and a half. So he'll also be the largest kid in the class for all eternity, you see? Will that create for him undue attention and ridicule?! Or will it be a good thing because my boy is a gentle giant, and maybe his physical presence will keep those nose-pickers out on the playground in check.

Because I SWEAR TO GOD I WIL---

Excuse me.

Where were we? Back to school shopping? Right.

I was chatting with my friend down here about the best things to buy and which places have the best prices.

Her: We bought [her son] an LL Bean backpack, and it's lasted him through fourth grade.

Me: [My child's early childhood schooldays flashing before my eyes]...fourth grade...?

Her: ...and I think we'll have to upgrade his lunch box this year...

Me: LUNCHBOXES?! BUT IT'S JUST PRESCHOOL! ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE HIM EAT AWAY FROM HIS MOMMY?! HE'S JUST A CHILD!

Her: ...Uh, no...I was talking about my--

Me: [SOB]

Anyway, I don't have to tell you that August is rapidly approaching, and that it's high time I pulled myself together. SO. I have this list of office supplies. And I guess my kid could probably use more beach wear to stay cool in the classroom...

In the classroom.

Jesus H.

At a full-sized school? My baby boy? I don't know if I can go through with this whole "education" thing.

If he didn't weigh 50 pounds, I'd cuddle him on my lap all day and cry softly into his fuzzy head of hair. (I think the lack of circulation in my legs could be catastrophic, unfortunately. Maybe we'll just color together. Or go buy those damn glue sticks. Maybe I should hire a camera crew to capture the moment and preserve the memory of my pre-school little boy.)

Glue sticks, man. They make me cry EVERY GODDAMN TIME.

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Crocs has launched a new line of school-approved shoes for boys and girls, kindergarten--8th grade. I must say, I'm impressed. Have a look at this interactive video. You can click the different shoes for more information, and if you find the "easter eggs" hidden within, click on them for a special surprise with purchase!


(Here's a hint for those eggs, btw)


Wheeeee!

(I mean, SOB)