|Google headline: Armadillos Linked Definitely to Leprosy in Humans. O.M.F.G.|
Him: Why is there mulch all over the front porch, anyway?
Me: I just saw that this morning. I think there's an animal digging around or something.
Him: Like...what kind of animal?
Me: :[Judgmental glare.] Um, like a squirrel or something? I don't freaking KNOW.
Him: [Absentmindedly] Nah, it's probably an armadillo.
Me: A fucking armadillo? THAT'S where your mind goes?
Him: They're all over the place here!
Me: You didn't think, like, RABBIT or something first? We have 625 living in the back yard...
Him: [Googling "armadillo"]
Me: I've SEEN Steel Magnolias, mister. I KNOW what a damn ARMADILLO looks like.
Him: ...or it could've been a bobcat.
Me: Why does Texas hate me?
Later that day, we stepped outside to see THIS in front of our house. A bird had dropped it from the sky, SURE, it's not deadly or anything, but STILL: I can only assume this is some sort of death threat from the state of Texas itself. (Unless...no...I mean, armadillos and bobcats don't snack on snakes...while plotting to erase the human population with a leprosy pandemic...right?)