AND EVERYTHING IS GOING REALLY GREAT. JUST STELLAR.
Shit. I cannot lie to you. The truth is that I REALLY came here to share some news with you all.
No, I didn't get a book deal.
No, I'm not pregnant.
No, I haven't killed any of my cats.
No, friends, it's none of those things. It's that my son? My two-and-a-half year old little blue-eyed boy?
(He drank some wine the other day. And then he tried to overdose on lizard medicine.)
::insane laughter mixed with sobbing::
Remember how semi-cute and hilarious it was when he ran through the house of a stranger trying to scalp me with a plastic sword? Well, last night, at another friend's house, he upped his game by powdering himself with Gecco vitamins (omfg) and stealing a forgotten glass of white wine from the dining room table (OMFG).
When I'd glanced over to see how he was progressing with his dessert, he sat there, powdered in white and holding the glass in his wobbling hands. I frantically darted over there, pracically killing their family dog in the process and providing all the impressionable young children with a lesson on profanity. But it was too late.
He was making a "BLECH" sound over and over, and his breath indicated he had good reason to be doing so.
And I'm telling you all this not JUST to undermine my credibility as a parent, but to remind you of THE CURSE OF THE CHICKEN LEG and also to let you know that I will never joke about my son's misbehavior again because OMFG HE TAKES IT AS A CHALLENGE.
(Or I'll at least wait a while before I share the stories. A mother only has so much to give.)