Monday, April 11, 2011

I Wear the Cone of Shame

I want to start this post by eating some crow about my last self-pitying rant. There are a few things I want to clarify:

1. I don't hate Fort Worth. I just had a bad first impression. See?
2. And as for my comparison to NYC, I don't think "my" city is better. IT'S JUST DIFFERENT.
3. We could hire movers, but we're trying to be fiscally responsible. So, we're not! (We'll channel those funds into my institutionalization instead.)
4. I have packed dozens of boxes at this point, and am no longer feeling fully overwhelmed. Until friends and family call to make plans to visit and I realize I HAVE NO TIME, GRANDMA. JUST GET OFF IT ALREADY.
5. I know I'm not the only person on the globe who has moved. But that fact, SURPRISE!, brings me little comfort. Which is why I have you, my lovely readers. To take the bitching heat.
6. Teddy? Our beloved, lost teddy? We found out a few days ago that this Teddy is the one Husband was given when he got off the plane, returning from Afghanistan. He'd given it to his mother, who then mailed it up to Plus One in a care package a few years ago. It has therefore been officially given "SENTIMENTAL VALUE" STATUS, guys. In other words, the hunt is officially ON. I'm thinking of starting a Twibbon campaign.

But, aside from that, things are moving swiftly along. Plus One is coming around to the idea (as in, he only tells me he doesn't wanna move like once a week, rather than once an hour.) We have a moving truck set to come in a few days, which will really help with our pilgrimage (read: I won't have to drive a truck and trailer and have a sustained three-day panic attack). And things are going smoothly with the purchase of the house.

Of course, there are some bumps as well.

Because of the flurry of activity around the house, Plus One has been past-due for a haircut for like, weeks. Now, this is usually Husband's territory. He's worked on perfecting that boy's haircut for years now (despite the kicking and screaming and I DON'T WANT A HAIRCUT! on my son's part), and he's practically a licensed stylist at this point. But like I said, WE'RE KINDA BUSY. The kid's hair has grown unchecked to a point where it practically below his eyes. Believe it or not, he found this to be annoying. As did I. And since Husband is away, last night I asked Plus One if he wanted me to just trim his bangs. To my surprise, he excitedly said YES.

So! I took it upon myself to trim his bangs. Just his bangs! How hard could it be!? The kid can't see through that mop of hair! I'm doing everyone a favor!

Except for maybe my son. Ahem. (They'll grow out, kid! Shake it off!)

Also, Husband may or may not be speaking to me.

24 comments:

  1. I feel your pain about Plus One's hair. I was allowed to cut my son's hair--ONE TIME! The clippers didn't obey my wishes, and he ended up with bald spots on the back of his head. We've decided that a bad haircut from Super Clips is better than a good haircut from Mom. Good luck with the move--did it two years ago from FL to VA with three kids. It'll get better--in a few months.

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  2. I think every woman in the history of mothering has cut her child's hair at one point or another. I did it last summer and wish I had a picture to show. Needless to say my boy ended up with a buzz cut because my husband was so mad at me. I will NEVER do it again.....promise.

    Sentimental value indeed! Poor Teddy!! Its hard to retrace steps. Maybe you guys can get that realtor to call the home owners that own the houses you all checked out. I know you've probably thought of it.....but it breaks my heart for you guys. Good luck, hope Teddy comes home soon.

    Thank you for sharing your husband with all of America. He is appreciated and prayed for here in our house as are all military men and women and their families. You guys are tough and I admire your strength.

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  3. LOL -- my 21 yr old daughter won't let me near her with scissors. Apparently she was traumatized by all of my mess-ups on her when she was growing up. I also will never live down an accidental bald/buzz cut that I gave my son on Easter morning. Poor kid had to go to church looking like he was a cancer patient.

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  4. Perfect rant! I love it. I am sure people had many a things to say about your last post, but hello, moving is moving. And I am from Texas and will still admit that (well, besides the winter) NYC is the best city ever. Love that place.
    But come December, I think you might be loving Texas :)

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  5. nyc>everything else. which is why i'm moving back to new york after a five-year stint in central florida. don't be ashamed, kristine. you're a new yorker. you're from the best. place. ever.

    i'm right with you in packing hell. except we still have to live here. for now. so i don't know how much of what to pack. damn it.

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  6. Oh. Oh my, hairtastrophe.
    Just have an extra sip of Who Gives A Fuck. Everything will be all fine.

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  7. I used to cut my son's hair until my husband said and i quote her "Lynn, if you love Daniel you'll stop cutting his hair!"

    I'm sorry...where's the gratitude, you know?

    Moving is a bitch...i don't blame you for being one. Actually, i'm a strong advocate of bitches as long as they stay out of my way.

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  8. I'm assuming none of the whiny people have every actually moved. Moving is horrifying and I can only imagine it is 8,000 times worse with children.

    If your son and/or husband continue to complain about the haircut, let me know and I'll scan in a copy of the Dutch boy haircut my mom gave me when I was three. It will make everyone feel much better. Except me, of course, but I've learned to embrace the burning brand of shame.

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  9. When my daughter was moving away, her son took his plastic sword and attacked the boxes. I told him I didn't blame him for being upset, I was upset too. Moving is tough on everyone. Rant away. Personally, I would rather live in New York too.

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  10. We (also military) moved from Mississippi to Oklahoma in August. Then from Oklahoma to Washington state in February. Feel your pain. Bitch all you want.

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  11. I think you did GREAT (for a blind Parkinson's patient).

    j/k

    Chill out mom, it doesn't look bad.

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  12. The difference between a $20 haircut and a free one - 2 weeks.

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  13. I hate moving and don't wish it on anyone. Not anyone I like anyway.

    And I always cut my own and hubby's hair. We are cheap.

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  14. I cut my son's hair once. I'm permanently scarred (luckily, he isn't). I've also moved states several times, I wish I could say something inspirational and uplifting about it but... well... it sucks. The good news is my children have adapted to their new environments like champs, and yours will too. Kids are truly amazing.

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  15. ...actually, that haircut doesn't look bad. I have to cut mine kinda crooked, one side curls a little as it dries..so I have to be careful to make it LOOK even, even if it isn't.

    scratch

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  16. This is very similar to the haircuts I suffered through as a child. Seriously. Don't feel bad. You're just channeling the 80s, right??
    The thing about moving that is actually handy, is purging. Unless you're a hoarder.. in which case, I will mourn for you.

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  17. Hey -- I'm a faithful reader but never comment, but had to chime in. I too moved from NY to TX (far North Ft Worth) about 4 years ago. Don't freak out at how FRIENDLY everyone is. They don't want anything from you, they really are friendly people. Except when they're driving. Then they're assholes. Also, watch out for the soccer moms. They're ruthless. Other than that, I like it here. Brigette in Justin, TX

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  18. My mom did that to my hair So. Many. Times.

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  19. I am good with the bangs, you have to turn the scissors toward the head to keep from having the Dumb and Dumber bowl look, I learned this from my stylist. However, I must have zoned during the part about the over the ears scenario, because the baboo had to get to the barber STAT after I cut several hunks out of that area. Fail.

    Special Agent was super impressed.

    www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com

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  20. You should meet my mom. I think the two of you will have so much fun together! :D

    Shamelessly putting an ad here:
    http://tiny.cc/thebigreveal

    Shameless!

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  21. You should meet my mom. I think the two of you will have so much fun together! :D

    Shamelessly putting an ad here:
    http://tiny.cc/thebigreveal

    Shameless!

    ReplyDelete
  22. The difference between a $20 haircut and a free one - 2 weeks.

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  23. My mom did that to my hair So. Many. Times.

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  24. ...actually, that haircut doesn't look bad. I have to cut mine kinda crooked, one side curls a little as it dries..so I have to be careful to make it LOOK even, even if it isn't.

    scratch

    ReplyDelete