Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Leaving on a ... Military Plane

As the Great Texas Migration approaches (LESS THAN THREE MONTHS!!111!1!), Husband and I have been working with a realtor to find a place to live. And, let me tell you, Texas is already winning me over by placing the cost of their houses at like a FIFTY PERCENT DISCOUNT from New York pricing. Mother of GOD.

Anyway, we decided it might be good to take a trip down there to actually SEE what we'd be purchasing. I wanna scope out the neighborhoods, introduce my nervous system to the oppressive climate, and show the boys where we're going in order to ease the transition. (Though, packing Grandma in a suitcase seems like it would be the BEST way to ease this transition, omfg.)

SO! All this means that we're taking a trip to Texas in like two weeks! By airplane! With two children under four! BUT. GET. THIS. Husband is a Marine, as you may know, and his job is to sit up with the pilots on these planes that were built in like, 1954, and make sure things don't, I dunno, BLOW UP or something. So rather than pay for commercial air fare, we're hopping a ride with a military plane.

That's right, kids. We're gonna be stowaways! I mean, I guess it's not *technically* stowing away, but I'm more or less thinking of it that way to add to the adventure. Because riding on an ancient plane that requires ear protection, does not employ stewardesses, and contains no bathroom (for women, ahem) just didn't seem exciting enough. Oh, plus there's the unpadded jump seat issue. It IS a cargo plane, after all. I might just get us cozy on a pallet or in a tank or SOMETHING.

And have I mentioned that I haven't flown (commercial or otherwise) since 2005? And that, since then, I've had children, which has instilled me with an ever-present anxiety about death and destruction? And that I can feel my heart rate increasing just writing this post

So my plan for the next week or so is to breathe deeply and pretend the whole thing isn't really happening! I also think I'm going to stay away from effing Google for a while, because OF COURSE this came up in the image search I conducted to add some visual elements to this here FAMILY STORY.

Apparently this was an "exercise" or something, but how'd the plane get out in the desert anyway? PROBABLY BECAUSE IT CRASHED.

::chews on horse tranquilizer::

Anyway, I'm trying my best not to project my, ohhh...SHEER TERROR about this trip onto my impressionable and perceptive boys. As of now, they are nothing but excited to ride on "daddy's airplane". I guess they don't *really* need a lesson on engine failure or spiral dives.




1. There's my latest at MamaPop, where I comment on the ever-annoying, and now ever-insensitive, Glibert Gottfried.

2. And I also want you to read my piece at MoxieBird because how does THIS GUY get a book deal and not ME?!

3. Moving along, some friends of mine have launched a new site called Sprocket Ink. It's heavy on interesting world news bits, and maybe some pop culture thrown in, too. You should check them out, if you're so obliged. (::googles obliged::) Actually, I'm not really sure how to use that word. Ahem.

4. And finally, the lovely Mommy Shorts has an awesome blog, if you didn't know already. She'd super funny, and has the most beautiful little girl EVAH. (I'm sure yours it cute, TOO.) Anyway, she has a series called Ask Dr. B. and I submitted a (serious) question about helping my boys cope with this move & it got answered today! If you ever have a question you want to ask a children's psychologist, she's your gal.

::drops mic::


  1. We were looking to move to TX a few years ago from GA (then 911 and my hubby lost the job he had there...grrr) Any-hoo- yes, the price of houses there is AMAZING! You can live like a king on next to nothing! I have told him, now that we are so close to home (FL now, GA is home) that the only place off the east coast I will move is TX - of course, that being said - naturally he interviews for a job in WISCONSIN!!!!!!!

    If he gets it, can we come live with you?

  2. OMG OMG please tell me you will have time to get a drink with me while you are here!

    Also? The house next door to me just went up for sale. RIGHT NEXT DOOR. This is a sitcom waiting to happen, my friend.

  3. That's funny, Trophy Husband and I were just looking at space available military flights last night! He's KS Army National Guard so we are like class 4 or something... I don't really know what that means but when there are 30 open seats on that flight to Germany, I can't see how it would matter.

    The whole "strapped into a jump seat on a cargo plane with my feet propped up on a tank for 22 hours" thing sort of throws me... We are a very well traveled bunch but that just seems weird. Anyway, I expect a full report on the flight. Pictures would be great too.

    One of my favorite fantasies is selling the house and moving far, far away. Texas is one of the places I often consider. San Antonio is just beautiful and O M G the mexican food. It's EVERY WHERE and just fantastic. Dammit, now I'm hungry and it's still 3 hours until lunch.

    Have a great flight!

  4. One word: Xanax.

    Congrats on the move! My little sis just bought a 3-bedroom house in TX for an amount of money I hadn't heard in the context of real estate since the Reagan administration. You, too, can totes have a palace!

  5. Did Husband forget to mention that there is no landing, that you'll be parachuting in at the DZ? (ask him, he knows what DZ is.)

    There HAS to be pics of this trip. Good luck.

  6. Doncha love how Texas houses are huge and so cheap!?!? You're gonna be saying ya'll in no time ;)

  7. Yeah, I'm gonna say, keep that photo out of the powerpoint presentation Dr. B suggested making, k?

    Thanks for the shout-out!

  8. You are moving to Texas! Super sweet! I've been here my entire life. I think you'll really enjoy it. The weather has been nice lately, hopefully it is when you get here.

  9. I'm in NY and everyone is leaving... the taxes are absolutely ridiculous.

  10. Oh wow. A military plane? Can you take pictures of that? Because flying kinda freaks me out, too, and you're not even gonna get a little bag of cookies and a coke to make it easier to handle.

  11. C-130 rolling down the strip...That ROCKS! Be not afraid! I was Navy Aircrew on helos and it was AWESOME. I have tons of friends on C-130s and P-3s as flight engineers and they all still fly safely and land successfully. No worries!

  12. You, Miss Yvonne and I all need to go out for drinks! What part of TX are you going to be in??

  13. We're moving to the Ft. Worth area. And, yes, there will be lots of pictures to document my firey demise!

  14. well sounds cool that you get to ride in one of those kind of sure itll all go well. just breath in through the nose deep and slow and out throught the mouth slow

  15. Texas? No comment. And also, don't die.

  16. Xanax to the point of drooling sounds good. Happy trails!

    My going away gift is an award I gave you today for being ever amusing. It's totally the white trash kind that doesn't come with a sidebar button, but I was too busy eating a corn dog to make one.

  17. Oh, Texas.

    My family lives in San Antonio and I am so jealous at the amount of house they got for their dollar, compared to what we get here.

    Unbelievable what you can buy there in Texas.

    Very, very nice.

  18. Wow! Hey, do you mind if I give you a list of places to attack as you fly to Texas? thanks!

  19. YES!! I'm in Fort Worth!! Moved here from Vegas to go to TCU.. You will love the people here, they're insanely friendly and thats why I bought a house here! Please tell me we can all 3 meet up!!

  20. Word up!! I am also in the Fort Worth area - totally will have to get together once you get settled in. Love it here.