Monday, January 24, 2011

Let's Talk About the Weather

So it's the end of January in New York State, which means, well, snow, right? Snow all over the damn place, patches of ice giggling at your unsteady footing, and wind that has the nagging persistence of your mother-in-law.

Now, all that said, I'm not complaining. Sure, the aforementioned things are kinda sucky, but I LOVE the snow! Like, LOVELOVE. Like, it's childish, even. All those things most would complain about? I love 'em!

The bundling up? Check!
Being snowed in, with no where to go? Check!
Building snowmen! Check! (Except when you get that light, useless snow. That's a bitch.)
The winter weather warnings that threaten power outages? Check. (Well, mostly.)
The skiing? Check! (Okay, so I haven't been in years...)

Okay, so let me revise my previous statement. I love the snowstorm ITSELF and maybe like A DAY afterward. But after that, it's kind of boring, come to think of it. Once it's fallen and assumed its position on your front yard, snow is like an old dog that used to be cool but now you're just wondering about the most humane way to put it down.



Kind of.

And, wait, because I should probably disclose that I have some issues with snow on the day after a snowstorm because usually this entails shoveling. And while I never (really, never) dread shoveling--I usually volunteer!--once I'm out there for about ten or so minutes, I begin filling with an unhealthy and disproportionate amount of rage.  Am I mad at the fact that my husband isn't out there shoveling? Nope. Am I mad at my neighbors for throwing all their snow in MY spot and now I have to walk back and forth across the driveway, negotiating dangerous patches of sinister ice? No--! (Eh, maybe.) Am I mad at the plow guy for barricading my driveway with that impossible mixture of ice, snow, sand, and salt? Well, it's hard not to blame him, you see...

But back to the shoveling. Our most recent snowstorm brought only about 4 inches or less. I was not at all bothered by the prospect of shoveling. (Yes, despite the fact that every other incident was preceded by exactly the same cheery disposition only to be crushed with fury and loathing soon thereafter. Shut it.)  WELL. That morning, the fury came more quickly when my shoveling attempts were matched with a very light, dry snow and a very bitter, whipping wind.

Every shovel I tossed off my driveway and onto my lawn was blown directly back at me, landing squarely in my face, neck, and any other crevice of my bundle of clothing.  This? You could say this is mildly irritating.



But STILL guys, the snowstorm itself is WAY awesome!  I SWEAR! You've got the exciting weather updates during every commercial break (and echoed via text from my mother who gets excited about the weather like I do about cake), the crazy traffic at the grocery store where people who seem to be preparing to be snowed in with volcanic ash and lava rather than, ah, snow, and there are the eager, incessant shrieks of children bellowing through the house, pausing only to begin begging to GO OUT AND PLAY?! CAN WE GO OUT AND PLAY IN THE BLIZZARD?! CANWECANWECANWECANWE?!?! Actually, now that I think of it, even Husband is typically in a sour mood as we hunker down, dreading the snow clean-up process, worried we'll lose power, and yearning for those days when the sun shone for more than two hours at a time.


It's, you know...cozy.

I love it. I mean, REALLY. Despite the fact that my facial expression, verbal outbursts, and sobbing might suggest otherwise.

They're calling for snow on Wednesday. Ahem.

30 comments:

  1. As a teacher, I find the possiblity of snow endlessly exciting...until the reality hits that my kids, who go to school in a different district than mine, will be off while I trudge bitterly to work. Meterologists have taken all of the magic out of a snow day. Now, they begin forecasting apocalyptic snowfalls a week out, and we're crushed when we only get a little powdering of snow. I long for (OK, that was a little strong...I MISS) the days when we could wake up to a surprise snowfall.

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  2. Speaking of dogs, all this snow has got to be taking a toll on my pup's privates. Imagine sticking yours in a snow bank every time you go outside to do your business.

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  3. Awww! I'll take the dog! I love shaggy dogs, and he looks fantastic in those glasses.

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  4. My dog has stopped lifting his leg -- that draft is a bit much on the ole' junk, I guess. Now he just sort of leans toward the snow banks. And the car tires. And the fence posts. . .

    Also? We have neighbor kids who are building an igloo. And they're doing a fine job, too.

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  5. I actually love the snow, and that's not as sarcastic as your love of the snow. BUT, since I'm in North By God Carolina, we get less snow, but the snow we get is preceded by panicked citizenry dashing about securing eggs, milk and bread. Even if it's half an inch forecasted (though you'll excuse them because the forecasters are a bit...ah...terrible), there is blind panic in the streets.

    Remember this is the place that was in GRIDLOCK for ten hours during a snowfall of 1/4 of an inch a few years back. Point and laugh, America. We deserve it.

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  6. There's nothing like that feeling of shoveling, when you're cold and hot/sweaty at the same time, your back feels as though you may never be able to stand up straight again, and your brain hurts from excessive sniffling.

    Seasonal Affective Disorder.

    I've started looking into used dog sleds... I don't think this option will work for you though, as you have CLEARLY established now how you feel about old used dogs.

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  7. Canadian winters... That is all I really have to say.

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  8. I sure feel your pain. After a full day of warm air and sunshine here in California, I just start to go CRAZY. We have to hunker down, put on sunblock, and go outside and shit. DAMN.

    (Sorry. I know this comment isn't helping.)

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  9. My son is dying to go out and play in the snow, but on a day like today when it was still -14 at 10:00 this morning, not a chance! I'm so over the snow.

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  10. You gotta love a fresh snowfall. Everything gets cleaned up. and it's quieter. As far as those glacial dirtpiles that take 6 months to melt, my dog might be under one of them. I'm pretty sure some of him is.

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  11. I'm a little surprised people in New York stock up at the grocery store before a storm (as though they're preparing for volcanic ash and lava...or what you said. HILARIOUS!). I thought that was a tendency reserved for where I live, Nashville...because they don't know how to deal with snowstorms. After a recent storm, there was no food left in the grocery store. I can't decide if it was truly because the trucks were stuck on freeways in Atlanta or if it was because EVERYONE PANICKED AND BOUGHT ALL THE CRAP BEFORE THE STORM HIT.

    Which is a good reason to panic. Because everyone else ruins it for those of us who aren't afraid of a little snow...

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  12. You have truly mastered the spraypaint button in Paint! Love the visual, as always!

    Consumed: My Culinary Adventure

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  13. having spent my first 26 years in new york (and aching to return there on a daily basis) i too love the actual snow storm and the first day. or half day.

    until you have to actually DRIVE in it and realize that everyone in the fucking state has forgotten how to drive in snow since the last snowstorm. which, hello, living in new york means it can't have been more than a year.

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  14. I can't even pretend to enjoy the snow. I grew up in South Texas and we now spend our winters in Germany. This gal just ain't cut out for the blizzard weather. Every time it rains and melts the snow I enjoy a little maniacal laugh.

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  15. I was just in Buffalo. You people are fucked.

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  16. Heh. I wouldn't mind the snow so much is I was actually able to get out of our driveway after a couple of days. But we live on a dirt road, which the DOT doesn't scrape, or even treat. So it's park up at the end of the road (where the mailboxes are) or you're stuck pretty much the next week, even if it's only a little snow--it melts and re-freezes and you're still stuck.

    I like snow. But I'm done with it, let's get spring in here a little early, shallwe?

    Scratch

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  17. It's not raining in Houston, but it seems like it's been raining for a month. My dogs have to pee already standing in a puddle. Gross

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  18. i like snow on christmas the rest of the year i want warm sunny weather

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  19. After three or four days of RAIN I get crazy - I can't imagine all that snow.

    Didactic Pirate and I will think of you while we tan.

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  20. I live in South Dakota so I understand where you are coming from. I love the blizzard and being stuck at home with my family and fireplace, but a day or two later, it's really no fun. And the powdery snow sucks! It's no good for sledding. snow angels are a bust, snowmen flop, and shoveling is a waste of energy!

    I'm ready for spring!

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  21. I love that whole getting stuck at home in a snowstorm thing too. Bonus points if there's a wood burning fireplace. Yum.

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  22. I'm right there with you - loving the snow! My enthusiasm diminishes ever so slightly each time I spend hours shoveling, but whatever. Sounds like you're gonna be in heaven again right around this Wed evening or so - NY is about to be nailed again.

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  23. yeah, no, im totally done with it. i like the day of, and i like being "snowed in" but when the snow that's on the ground is the same stuff that we've had since the snowfall we had right after XMAS? then all i can do is hermit myself away and plead with a vengeful god to bring summer back. STAT.

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  24. I live in Alaska and they don't call off school or work or anything FOR anything. It's friggin insane. I'm used to snow, used to ice, used to boots and all that crap - used to Northern Michigan, which is where I grew up! But they have the sense to call of classes when people are dying on the roadways due to the weather. Here you have to call in to your professors and say, "Hey, uh, I TRIED to come to school, but a block away from my house I was creeping along at 20 mph and still slid through a stoplight and was broadsided by a train and hauled a half-mile down the track so I'm calling you from my cell phone because I am really worried that I'll lose a letter grade for missing your class and my G.P.A. will fall and I won't be accepted into the master's program and I will end up working a poverty-level job and won't be able to afford insurance or birth control and my children will have to wear ratty coats to school and will be made fun of bullied and kicked around and they'll grow up hating themselves and resenting me and my daughter will probably end up a stripper in Detroit and I'll never get to see my grandchildren because she'll be an alcoholic and won't have a car to drive to me and my eyesight will be bad and I'll die alone, so are you going to count it as an absence if I can't make it today? 'Cause it doesn't seem safe at all."

    What a pain in my ass!!

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  25. P.S. I get the same way vacuuming that you get when you're shoveling. It's just the stairs. I hate vacuuming carpeted stairs.

    One time my husband walked up behind me while I was hauling the red carcass of the Dirt Devil upstairs with me, knocking it into walls and kicking it across the landings, watched as I got down on my knees, scraping across each stair with that handheld nozzle, my eyes narrowed and mouth pinched, and my voice hissing, cussing out every person I've ever dreamed of cussing out.

    He said, "Are you OK?"

    "WHAT??????? I'M VACUUMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed over the roaring Devil.

    He left me alone, but I think he told everybody at work, because at our next party, my friend Kenny asked me if I had vacuumed like a psycho getting the house ready.

    Now I eliminate houses from prospective purchase based on the number of carpeted stairs within it.

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  26. I thought I had found the first thing that I might possibly hold against you, as I hate the cold and snow with such burning passion that it practically melts. But, then I realized you were being sarcastic and my love for you returned, doubled.

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  27. I'm right there with you - loving the snow! My enthusiasm diminishes ever so slightly each time I spend hours shoveling, but whatever. Sounds like you're gonna be in heaven again right around this Wed evening or so - NY is about to be nailed again.

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  28. Heh. I wouldn't mind the snow so much is I was actually able to get out of our driveway after a couple of days. But we live on a dirt road, which the DOT doesn't scrape, or even treat. So it's park up at the end of the road (where the mailboxes are) or you're stuck pretty much the next week, even if it's only a little snow--it melts and re-freezes and you're still stuck.

    I like snow. But I'm done with it, let's get spring in here a little early, shallwe?

    Scratch

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  29. My son is dying to go out and play in the snow, but on a day like today when it was still -14 at 10:00 this morning, not a chance! I'm so over the snow.

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