Monday, December 6, 2010

You've Been Regifted

What follows is a re-post from last year, which is probably new for most of you anyway. That's how re-gifting works! Except this way it's slightly less tacky because I've remembered to take off the old gift tag. AND it's not a stupid heart-shaped frame.

But I'm throwing it up again because I heard this song again just yesterday and found myself getting just as irked as I had a mere 12 months ago! Indeed, I had to repress a monologue about the SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS and IS NOTHING SACRED in front of  my two confused, overbundled children strapped into the back seat of the family wagon. I know. And coming from ME, right? Which is why I repressed it.  Anyway, allow me to rant for you once again, won't you?

*****

The other day, my pal PetCobra posted a link to this hilarious dissection of a Christmas song. (Warning: clicking on that link will totally send you straight to Hell. There is dialogue that mentions "God" and "hand job" in the same sentence. With ILLUSTRATIONS.)


Anyway, it got me thinking of this one song that I want to stab in the thigh every time I hear it. (Which is quite often, unfortunately, because I'm already tuned in to that 24/7 Christmas songs radio station.)

(Shut it.)

But the SONG. Have you heard this one? It's called "Same Old Lang Syne" by this jackass Dan Fogelberg*. Listen, won't you? I DARE you not to laugh. Really. Try hard.


Right. (Though, special thanks must go to the slide-show aficionado that made this tasteless mocking happen today! Cheers!)

So, let's break it down for a moment. I'll lay out the setting for us all. It's Christmas Eve and we've got ourselves a married groupie and a washed-up singer looking for an open bar. Plus the six pack. And a car with steamed-up windows.


Can you feel the magic of the season yet? Alright, we'll keep going.

The toast to innocence? Does that do it for you? Oh. Well, probably because we've still got the unfaithful whore getting drunk with her music-man friend while her husband stays up late on Christmas Eve working pro-bono on that new Pediatric Wing at the community hospital. And the kids are all, "Where's Mommy with the milk for Santa's cookies, Poppa? She went to the store THREE HOURS AGO!"

Maybe if we listen a little, um, harder?

Ok, no. Let's just stop. Because when he tells me that their TONGUES were TIRED, I am suddenly mixing images of Jesus and soft porn. And that, my friends, is how you end up on the naughty list, I've been told. I know some people.

Ahem.

__________


*Whoops! Looks like Mr. Fogelberg has passed. Score one for the married architects of the world. No but really. That's totally mean and not in the spirit of Christmas. The infidelity, that is. Say hi to Jesus for me, Danny Boy.

23 comments:

  1. That is the first - and I truly hope - the last time I hear that song... EVER. And I consider myself fortunate to have to dodged the bullet on the other one from the link.

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  2. Posts this good are always worth regifting. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. That's one of those songs that comes up every year at Christmas - and not just on Christmas stations - I am sure I'll be forced to hear it on many other stations this year too. And really the only thing Christmas about it is the fact that they are trying to find a bar on Christmas eve and can't.

    I've paid attention to the words of this song before and have always thought it was weird, kind of rambling. Can't say it offended me before - but maybe it should!

    SD
    simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com

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  4. Well worth the re-gifting. Thanks...

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  5. I swear they have never played that on the Fairbanks Christmas radio station!!!! I am a little shaken up by it!

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  6. This is so funny I'm reading and choking on my laughter, AT WORK.
    Thank you so much for sharing.

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  7. I agree, it is a strange song. I am going to hell...I loved that video. -N

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  8. I've heard it, but never actually listened to it. For good reason, apparently. That said, I can't wait to get home from work so that I can actually see the slide show. :)

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  9. This song makes my ears bleed. Why would you do this to me? Why?

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  10. This song came on while I was with my mom on the 24/7 Christmas station in her car and I commented on how godawful it was and she said that she "kind of liked it." So I told her what it was about (she doesn't always listen to the words of songs so much) and she made the same face that I'm sure we all made while listening to it here. SO BAD!

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  11. Ahhhh yes. Dan Fogelburg. You know, the only other song of his that I know of, was "Leader of the Band", which was equally depressing (makes me cry when I hear it). I never understood why anyone would want to play such a depressing song around the holidays. It ranks up there with that "Mommy's going to Jesus tonight" song they've been playing lately (which is about a little child buying a present for a dying parent)

    Dumb dumb dumb!

    And yes, we know what the 24/7 Christmas station is. We have one here in Hicksville that has been playing the crap since HALLOWEEN. Don't ask.

    Scratch

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  12. I've never heard the song before, or it hasn't registered if I have. Actually depressing song to me. Now I hope I never hear it again, but that's not likely, is it?

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  13. If you can write/sing "the food was totalled up and bagged" as part of a song... that there is gifted (or "special"). I listened for 1:22 and it was 1:22 too long.
    You totally owe me for 1:22 you took from my life!!!!
    What station are you LISTENING TOO? KZOK 102.5 can help you!

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  14. I always laugh until I cry when I spill my purse. For sure.

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  15. I'm with DiPi. Why did you do that to us?! My Christmas is now ruined. The song offended me mostly because it was exasperatingly boring. A sentimental seasonal ballad with a whole stanza about ringing up and bagging groceries? Such lazy songwriting is unforgivable. Here--I'm going to write the forgotten verse of this little ditty right now:

    "She dumped the ashtray out into the snow
    I said you are a litterbug
    She laughed and lit another cigarette
    And tapped her ashes on the rug"

    See. That took 5 seconds. And it's way better than the original.

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  16. Wow! I quit paying attention at minute 3.

    BetaDad just blew my mind.

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  17. hahahaha i just feel wierd watching that video.. hahaha...

    and that's what I'm thinking too!! it was christmas eve and what about his husband or family.. hahahahahha! Lol

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  18. that song is very strange.your discription of it makes you uh wtf

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  19. I always laugh until I cry when I spill my purse. For sure.

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  20. This is so funny I'm reading and choking on my laughter, AT WORK.
    Thank you so much for sharing.

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  21. I swear they have never played that on the Fairbanks Christmas radio station!!!! I am a little shaken up by it!

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  22. Well worth the re-gifting. Thanks...

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