Now, I'm one of those gals that resists crying at any cost. One time, I tried to think of something funny so that the tears wouldn't come, and I ended up being that girl, laughing to herself in the corner. At a funeral.
But, I'm telling you, ever since I had KIDS, my anti-tears superpowers have all but disappeared. In fact, mere pregnancy proved to be crippling in this capacity. During my drive to work, about four years ago, I would follow this same stretch of highway every morning. And right before Christmas I'd see the same dead dear carcass staring up at me from the shoulder. And I'll be damned if the 24/7 Christmas station wasn't playing clips of deployed troops sending holiday love back home EVERY TIME I PASSED IT. Needless to say, I often walked into the classroom with black streaks running down my cheeks. I think the kids thought I was going goth or something. Or, you know, was just a crazy pregnant woman still gasping breaths after her morning grieving ritual for ALL THINGS DEAD AND SAD.
Anyway, cut to present day, and I'm realizing that this is a progressive disease. Now, not only to I cry silently for road kill and CNN headlines, but I also cry during select Christmas songs. As in, full-on tears. As in, I cannot continue singing along lest I teach the children to associate Jesus' birthday with the MOST DEPRESSING THING IN THE WORLD. Usually I just end up at the wheel, a solitary tear running down my cheek, rolling my eyes with annoyance as I smack it off my face, and mumbling some locker room curses at myself because really, PULL IT TOGETHER WOMAN.
Anyway, here are some of my kryptonite songs at the moment:
Little Drummer Boy, Harry Simeone Chorale
Christmas Canon, by Trans Siberian Orchestra
O Holy Night, Josh Groban
Away in a Manger, St John's College Choir
But, usually, that Christmas Shoes song is never far behind, and I'm able to choke back the tears in exchange for disgust and anger. How young do you think is too young to introduce the toddlers to Patton Oswalt?
(And really, while we're at it, what's up with the Mommy Kissing Santa Claus ditty? Fucking hell, man.)