Saturday, December 4, 2010

Not Just Another Christmas Ornament Post

Okay, well that's a lie. It's totally another Christmas Tree Ornament post. You see, I signed up to participate in Jett Superior's Annual Ornament Exchange and for the past week, I've been obsessed with finding the awesomest, oddest, most bizarre ornament EVER. Because that would mean I WIN!

What? EVERYTHING is a contest. Even Christmas, godammit.

While I cannot reveal what I bought for my person yet (because I think it's supposed to be a surprise, DUH) or even who this person is (HINT: HE/SHE IS HILAAARIOUS. And no, it's not myself.), but here are the ornaments I found along the way, bookmarked as potential winners. While I didn't end up buying any of them, you can totally buy me one (or ALL) for Christmas. You were planning on getting me a gift anyway, right? So, then.

Zombie Gingerbread Men!


Come on! How awesome are these things? I've looked at MANY zombie ornaments, and these, in my opinion, were the nicest, and priced nicely at $15 for all three. So what if they'll scar the children forever! Zombies are SO COOL right now!

Snowman in a Man Thong!


How gross! And what says Christmas better than EWWW. NASTY. !?

Sandwich ornament!
It's a freakin' sandwich guys. What's not to love? (On a side note, I read a book when I was little that had a picture of a SAND WITCH. A witch made of sand between two slices of bread. TO THIS DAY, I cannot spell SANDWICH correctly without three attempts.)

Creepy Doll Head Ornament!


And this seller has like a million others to choose from. Imagine buying all of them and having your whole tree staring back at you with those eyeballs? WAHOO!

NINJAS!


Sure, they kind of look like mouthless, freakish creatures, but they're carrying CANDY CANES for crying out loud. Certainly they're friendly!

The 'stache. 'Nuff said.



And these badboys are selling like hotcakes from this shop, it seems. Only one left! I bet those Movember Boys had something to do with it.

But how about we take it up a notch and put the mustache ON A FETUS.


*stunned silence*

Moving right along, how about an ornament for your Words with Friends opponents?


They had this cool one with snow on it, but it already sold, you bastards.

I'm wondering if this one is on velvet backing?


Or if they have a version of an Elvis cat?

And how could we have Christmas without a creepy MJ face?


I think it's the nostril dots that are really doing it for me.

And then there's, uhm, this thing.


Which I believe to be a candy striping beggar mouse.

And really, I could go on for hours with this stuff. Like I said, I kind got INTO IT. Which is your favorite? Which are you going to buy me? Find any others? (Except for the tampon angel. Please DO NOT SHARE the tampon angel.)

21 comments:

  1. I don't think I could choose just one. I'd lean towards zombie cookies. But that's because I am a cookie addict - and even though they are not real (i assume) i'd probably stare at them for hours on end wondering if I could still eat them.

    So for me thong snowman may be better. It's about time they sexed up snowmen... they have been prudes for far too long.

    SD
    simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com

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  2. The mustache fetus was going too far. You made the Baby Jesus cry.

    Still, strangely, I feel like yelling "Go-ohhhhh TEAM!" and running laps around the house.

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  3. The doll face/telephone dial creeped me out. I feel like I would get arrested for, like, Barbie molesting or something if I had those hanging in my house.

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  4. It's a toss up between the zombie Gingerbread men and the Pirate Cat. I'm leaning toward Pirate Cat because it looks like he has wings. Unless that's his tail. Even still, he's got a self-portrait on his pocket watch which tells me he's a classy kind of kitty. Not just anyone has self-portrait pocket watches.

    Well, great, now I checked out Thong Snowman and he's got a sassy little smirk going on and I like that on a guy.

    Is all of them a choice? ;)

    ~Ali
    http://alicat31.wordpress.com/

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  5. Ahhh. Big kick out of these ornaments...Never thought to look for odd ornaments, but I'm sure I'll be looking everywhere I go, now, so, um, thanks, I guess. : )

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  6. Barbie heads win for me. I think I need them, and that scares me.

    The fetus is the most disturbing, but what fetus isn't?

    You'll be soooo getting tampon angel! You'll rue the day you forbade it. Rue!

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  7. I am routing for the Tampon Applicator Snowflake. ---N

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  8. haha loved the zombie gingerbread men and the thong snowmen to funny

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  9. You've rendered me speechless. In the good way. I honestly can't decide which ornament I love most: the zombie gingerbread family, the ninjas, or the mustachioed fetus.

    I've decided. The fetus. It's just so disturbing. It haunts me, really. And ultimately, isn't that what Christmas ornaments should do?

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  10. I had no idea Christmas ornaments like this even existed! Top creepy ones for me: mustache on a foetus (WHY?), creepy doll head (again WHY?), weird MJ glitter face and candy striping begger mouse is also slightly disturbing.

    Top points for 'Joy', ninjas and the zombies.

    If these ones didn't make the cut, I'm intriuged to know what you actually went for?!

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  11. The thong snowman is so wrong in just the right way, and the ninjas are kind of cute.

    I thought the mustachioed fetus was a sperm with a moustache, until I noticed the arms. I think I like it better as a sperm. I guess then you'd know it was a Y.

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  12. Ornaments like these make me glad I'm a Buddhist.

    (Still, those ninjas are pretty freakin' kewl.)

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  13. i love the ninja with candy canes!!! x)

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  14. That final... thing... looks like a holiday-festive version of the fake monsters from "The Village."

    This is totally brilliant, btw.

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  15. Is that...a pirate cat??? Great, now my tree looks like it's missing something. Something that pees in a box and is wearing an eye patch. Damn it.

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  16. WTF mustache fetus?

    On the other hand, NINJA = WIN.

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  17. Can we talk about how awesome you are for a second?

    My Tree just got a lot more exciting. That's what she said.

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  18. I was in the middle of putting together a best-of-etsy ornament post when I read this, and you found some doozies! And I totally bought the cat pirate ornament for my little brother, who is obsessed with pirates and has a cat who looks JUST like that cat ... creepy but perfect! Thanks for finding it! You made me a Christmas hero!!!!

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  19. I was in the middle of putting together a best-of-etsy ornament post when I read this, and you found some doozies! And I totally bought the cat pirate ornament for my little brother, who is obsessed with pirates and has a cat who looks JUST like that cat ... creepy but perfect! Thanks for finding it! You made me a Christmas hero!!!!

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