1. I accidentally used my husband's body wash in the shower the other day. Rather than wash it off, I made the conscientious decision not to wash it off and went about my day smelling of MAN in an attempt at some sort of really awesome sociological experiment. But I forgot what the premise was after about hour one because I just smelled so. damn. good. And, really, if WE like the scent, why are THEY wearing it? (In retrospect, this seems to have much to do with my CK1 obsession in the 1990's. And my affection for Salvation Army old man pants.)
2. The other day, I was scrubbing toilets, because that's just what I do sometimes. I scrub the fucking toilets. Anyway, I glance down at this new cleaner I'd gotten at the store and noticed the warning labels for the first time. Let's just sway they were quite unsettling. Eye protection REQUIRED? Eh, my glasses should do, right? Well at precisely that moment, a bit of the liquid cancer dripped onto my rubber gloves and created some sort of noxious plastic-melting fume. I'm pretty sure there was some green mist as well, but I can't be sure because I think I'm still in a coma.
3. I have egg carton OCD. Well, I mean, I've got a lot of OCD, but one of my worst is in regard to egg cartons. Specifically, it's an issue of balance. In other words, what is done to one side MUST be done to the other. Allow me to demonstrate:
4. The other day, I received an email from my child's preschool teacher informing us of next week's events. Included was the following:
And on Wednesday, the Pastor will be in to "enlighten" the children.
I feel this is an unfortunate use of quotation marks.
5. It's winter in New York, which means that my skin has taken on the appearance of EW. GRRROOOSSS. And after reflecting upon my unfortunate skin issue for much longer than is appropriate, I began to have what can only be described as a motherfucking epiphany. Because, these callouses on my hands and feet (stop drooling, you!) seems to also correlate with my new found Internet-based employment! It only follows then, YOU GUYS, that we need to rethink our archaic notions of MANUAL LABOR!
Look at me! Changing the WOOORRRLLLLD!
So, the other day, I presented to my husband this thesis on the evolving state of mankind's callouses, suggesting that my work on the computer should clearly count as manual labor. Because, LOOK AT THESE MAN HANDS, BABE! But then he was all BUZZKILL when he showed me HIS hands and mumbled something about "no sensation" and "motherfucking airplanes." So that's when I heated up my paraffin because that tone is doing NOTHING for my cuticles, darling.
6. My husband keeps changing the voice on our GPS to the British chick. I'm guessing it's because she is callous-free. And maybe has no issues with things like WHO TOOK THESE EGGS OUT OF THE CARTON LIKE THIS, GODDAMNIT?!
So, this is my virgin voyage into the world of Random Thoughts Tuesday, hosted by Keely, the Un-Mom. She's pretty stellar, that girl. You should try it out too, no?