Thursday, November 18, 2010

Cake Wrecks and Broken Dreams

Okay, OKAY. It's time to bury that Texas post so that people stop telling me to "stop whining" and "be grateful" that I have to uproot my family.

Right.

So, then! Let's get on to the next cause for complaint!  Next week is T9's birthday. He turns the big 0-2. We don't make a huge deal about birthdays around here. I mean, we do cake, party hats, and have some family for gifts, but there are no bouncy castles or clowns or pinatas. (Seriously,  you think I'm going to give that kid a stick and order him to attack? I've spent the past six months discouraging precisely this behavior. Aimed at me. And the cats.)

So to make it special in a non-BIGEXPENSIVEPRESENTS! kind of way, I try to make a cool cake for the kid.  Whatever he seems obsessed with most at the moment usually makes the cut. For example, when Plus One turned two, he got anxiety-ridden Pablo.  (Let's not look into that too much, ok?)

 At three, he got a soccer ball cake.



This year, it'll probably be Spider Man. It most certainly will NOT look like this:


And since they both got this traditional panda bear cake for their first birthdays, this will be the first time I need to be creative for the two year old.  And at the moment, he happens to be most obsessed with Oswald.

Oswald the octopus.



And I imagine my cake may turn out something like this.


Prepare yourselves for the pictures, folks.  Because, really, nothing says I'M TURNING TWO like blue phallic limbs and misshapen heads.

And that blue frosting is going to be fun when....eh, nevermind.


*****

PS: I've been meaning to share some new blogs I recently discovered.  Go check them out!

Pish Posh & Such I love the drawings. Really.

Lotus Photography And I want this super hot couple to photograph me. Which sounds dirty, come to think of it.

25 comments:

  1. Hilarious..but good luck with the cake..you could do Oswald and friends...I remember seeing that cartoon with my lil sis..who am I kidding I use to watch it gaah!1
    anyways good luck...
    with cake..
    and Texas..
    yes I had to bring it up..
    BH

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  2. That's it! Mishapen heads and blue phalluses were exactly what my birthday was missing!

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  3. Take the Oswald image to Kinkos and tell them to blow it up for you (to whatever size makes you happy). Use that blow up as a template and carve carve carve. LOVE the soccer ball cake.

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  4. you might be able to an oswald cake tin and then you just have to deal with the frosting... P.S. You might be able to find an all natural recipe (using fruits and such) to make blue frosting so that everyone's ... might not be so colorful. Also - most natural frostings tend not to stain which is a plus, since most manufactured ones do.

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  5. i say make a round cake that's blue and make the tentacles out of lots of teeny cupcakes.

    OR bake a second sheet cake and carve the tentacles out of that.

    OR print out a photo of oswald on one of those eatable photo thingamajigs and pop it on a cake.

    ALSO. you could suck it up and go to a bakery and pay a fuckload of money for someone else to deal with it. and instead make him like a special dinner. because a fucking octopus cake sounds like.. annoying to make.

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  6. hey! i love big blue phalluses. it's what i want for my bday, too.

    um, by the way, what exactly was the odd red stuff coming out of pablo's beak?

    i'm frightened.

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  7. I'm impressed by your ambition. My kids are lucky if I remember candles. And we still have birthday parties with all their aunts/uncles, so we can't get fancy...we need a couple 9 x 13s to feed those people!

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  8. BH: Dude, how old are you?! I thought this was a new-ish cartoon.

    Buggin: I'm here to help!

    Chl: That is a GREAT idea! I think I might try it...there's a Staples nearby. Thank you!

    Unemployed Diva: Thanks for the food coloring tip. I'll check out our local natural foods store. I think there's a two year old stain in our dining room from Pablo. The bastard.

    steph: It's gonna be hella annoying. As in, by lunch, I'll have the whole house on Red Alert & will likely end up "FUCK BIRTHDAYS" across Oswald's forehead.

    Kage: I'm hoping the cake will appease the child. I googled some Oswald toys and STUFFED ANIMALS are going for over $100. Uhm, no.

    Kate: Yeah, family is annoying. And we'll see how long my ambition lasts. At the moment, they don't have a say in the process. Once they get choosy, I'll probably throw in the towel.

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  9. I vote for day old pastries and treats, you know, the reduced priced ones the Walmart is desperate to sell?

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  10. I am 17...and it's not an oldish cartoon..it's actually..umm..I guess when I was 10 or 11 I had seen the cartoon..=]
    hahahaha..I am not too old..but the cartoon is..and yes I should be embarrassed that I was watching it when i was 10 but oh well..I am shameless..lol..
    BH

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  11. Gotta admire anyone who bakes stuff on their own. I consider making toast baking myself. As far as a cake goes I'd be totally lost. But now I'm wondering what toast would look like with blue frosting.

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  12. Oh, and when you do your frosting, make sure you go to a bakery-supply shop and get the paste kind. It's the only way I know of to get saturated colors like that. You may already know this... :)

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  13. I just read your last three blogs and you crack me up!! You are one funny lady. hahahahhahhahah love your blog. Ok, so I sound imature and stalkerish, but who cares, its the truth.

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  14. I think you HAVE to do the blue/purple whalish octo-phalic thingie. Just think of the pictures :-)

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  15. I'm thinking your version looks like a hipster smilie. Kinda like Moby meets Blue Man Group only more cerebral cos it's for the kiddies.

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  16. you makes cakes yourself huh?thats cool.your cakes look fine to.yes there not perfect but then there hand made not machine made.i hope your son has a happy birthday and loves his gifts.

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  17. Man with Van are knowledgeable enough to deal with most removal requests.
    They did very fine work, thank you. Keep it up.
    man and van edinburgh

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  18. Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a beautiful blue sperm cake. Be sure to post a pic later so we can marvel in its many tails.

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  19. Good luck with the cake!

    I've given you an award! Come check it out!

    jumblemash.blogspot.com

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  20. it's my first time to ever read your blog.. i can't remember when i followed you.. maybe around half months ago..

    anyways..weeeh cakes! i love cakes! hope i can bake one.. or not bake.. just eat now.. <3

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  21. *Slaps an award on the back of your van* http://thetameone.blogspot.com/2010/11/applesoranges-funny-girl-catholicism.html

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  22. Eeeek! Birthday cakes give me nightmares. As a young mother I tried to bake them. I recall one I was rather proud of. It was flat as a pancake on one side and three inches on the other. I created a race track with a pit stop on the pancake side and presented it to my son. He burst into tears and said, "Why can't you just buy normal cakes like all of the other moms?" I realized my "stroke of creativity" wasn't meeting to my son's need to conform.

    Love this blog though!

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  23. Man with Van are knowledgeable enough to deal with most removal requests.
    They did very fine work, thank you. Keep it up.
    man and van edinburgh

    ReplyDelete
  24. you makes cakes yourself huh?thats cool.your cakes look fine to.yes there not perfect but then there hand made not machine made.i hope your son has a happy birthday and loves his gifts.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I just read your last three blogs and you crack me up!! You are one funny lady. hahahahhahhahah love your blog. Ok, so I sound imature and stalkerish, but who cares, its the truth.

    ReplyDelete