For example we were recently driving to pick up the kid from school when we drove past a pair of sneakers that had been abandoned on the side of the road. Casually, I said something about how seeing shoes on the side of the road really creeps me out.
Him: What do you mean? Like, you think of something sinister?
Me: Well, YEAH. Like, where is that barefooted person? How did they make it home? DID THEY MAKE IT HOME?!
Him: So that's how your mind works, huh?
Me: It's like you don't even KNOW me sometimes.
Then, the other day, before he left for his latest work trip, he mentioned that his destination was Florida for the upcoming shuttle launch.
Me: Really? I didn't realize you guys went down there for that.
Me: Well, why?
Him: I dunno. I guess...just in case?
Me: You mean, in case...they blow up?
Him: Lady, nothing's going to BLOW UP.
Me: Well, it COULD. Hello? The CHALLENGER?! Millions of children scarred FOREVER?
And also, take for example this day care building down the road from our house. Now, you'll need a little back story to get the scope of my
Well, Kristine, you frickin' GENIUS, it's clearly an enterprise-gone-bad. Shut down! Closed for business! Not taking new patients!
BUT, friends. BUT. This abandoned, ghost-town of a house, complete with the suspicious looking vehicle, and spooky-ass windows? This building has a marquee sign at the roadside that is updated--wait for it--REGULARLY.
This summer: Summer Camp Program Starting Soon! Apply Now!
Late summer: Early Admissions for Fall! Enroll Now! Limited Availability
September: After-School Program Now Available For No Additional Fee!
Last Week: New Availabilities! Call For Information!
And, mind you, I drive by it often and never have I seen a single person, car, or errant squirrel on this property. Nor have a seen a light on in the window, a toy moved from its place in the yard, or set of eyes peering from the basement blinking out frantic SOS signals.
Naturally, I believe this store exists for one of the following reasons:
1. It has a dungeon full of hostages and/or zombies.
2. Pulp. Fiction.
3. It is a front for a highly organized drug manufacturing and trafficking system a la Breaking Bad.
4. It's like the house from Hansel & Gretel and inside all you'll find are human bones and candy. And a witch. And an oven.
5. Two Words: JEEPERS CREEPERS
7. My cats might somehow be involved.
I've even gone so far as to google this place to see if there are others LIKE ME who have noticed something's fishy here. And would you be surprised to hear that google claims there IS NO SUCH PLACE? Well of course you wouldn't be. Because I have just CONVERTED you. Welcome!
(Now who wants to contact Ghost Hunters? And you? You can call in the local FBI while I see if Justin Long has any information. Aaaand, BREAK.)