Wednesday, October 6, 2010

This Makes No Sense and Goes Nowhere

My goal for today was to get a new post up here on the ol' blog. Yeah, that's right. Forget about feeding the children and picking them up from school (on time). I was worried about you guys. Because I love you. And have no ability to prioritize.

But in the end, I'm here to tell you that I'm a failure, because I have nothing much to share. The fact of the matter is that several ridiculous events occurred over the past few days, but I'm unable to process any into more than a sentence or two that ends with UHHHHHH...

For example, when I brought my son to this preschool function at a church that had its own damn coffee shop that served lattes and cinnamon buns and it was so pretty and yummy and suddenly I was participating in some sort of religious revival. And OHMYGOD did I mention that the pastor was hot?

There's also the part where I had a dream that Ellen DeGeneres was my therapist and she was getting all stressed out about all the paperwork necessary to document our sessions. In the end, I think she walked out on me because it was just too much. The paperwork, I think. I dunno, but it makes me sad for many reasons and I don't think I want to read into this much further, thankyouverymuch.



And of course, we can't forget my episode of OHMYGOD I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHERE YOU "LIKE IT" EVEN IF YOU'RE CLAIMING THAT IT'S ALL FOR BREAST CANCER AWARENESS. Because, my god, is anyone thinking about CANCER when they read shit like that? Al I can think of is how annoying you are and HOW COME YOU GOT NEW TWITTER AND I DIDN'T?!

But everything seemed to be getting better until I had a physical altercation with one of our house's MANY motherfucking baby gates (because, HI. BABIES). I won't tell you who won that battle because it wasn't me, and I'm pretty sure my children were watching. And rooting for the gate.

But, HEY! Stop staring at me already. LOOK! Did you hear?! Beta Dad got Blog of Note! Go give him a hug. I told you he was lovely. And while we're at it, are you reading Didactic Pirate? Because he's a professor. *wink* I mean, good writer. *wink* Well, really he's both. *WINK*

*****

And, quickly, I'll mention that I have my latest Product of Silence post scheduled to go up this Friday. If you'd like to participate, click on the tab above for more information. I'll be linking to those who have posted since my last one or who post along with me on Friday. You're free to pick your own prompt, but if that's too overwhelming for you, you can use mine: this month, I'm inspired by the short story "Lost in the Funhouse" by Paul Barth. Google it up.

And, if you don't understand my directions (I'm not so good with the words and stuff), you can email me. But I may be grouchy because did I tell you my house is infected with the preschool plague AGAIN?! I'm wondering if education is really all that important anyway. I've also been thinking of taking on some sister wives.


21 comments:

  1. i take it you're talking about the "name the spot you place your purse when you walk in the door" in the name of breast cancer awareness on the ol' shitbook. i'm still really confused what purses have to do with breast cancer.
    also, im pretty sure i have "old" twitter simply bc i wouldnt know "new" twitter if it chirped my face off.
    i don't even know what that means. im just really stoked to be first commenter right now.

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  2. Thank geez someone else posted about the effin' facebook status thing. How in the hell does that support breast cancer? I wrote about it last night and a friend commented it was for the pink ribbon fight. Yeah, right.

    In fights with baby gates, people NEVER win!

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  3. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks that about the "where I like it" thing!
    Instead of talking about how much you like it on the kitchen counter (do you even know where your purse has BEEN?!?!), why not donate to breast cancer research or whoever helps underinsured people get medical treatment for it?

    But anywho.....
    Just waiting for the public school germs to filter their way down to my daughter's preschool; and buying stock in Kleenex.

    Queenofthefall.blogspot.com

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  4. Sounds like a week I've had before - and I will admit I did post "I like it on the bench right inside the door" because, for those who do NOT know what I am talking about (pretty much none of my friends) I would seem that much more interesting and well, you know, COOL because I still have sex and in interesting places. VERY PATHETIC, I know!! - Have a great rest of the week!

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  5. Haha I thought it was just me that was 'What??' over the facebook thing. No I won't do it and no I won't forward it ALL my girlfriends.

    J.

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  6. OH. MY. GOD. That stupid facebook thing. It makes me want to STAB STAB STAB.

    And, not everybody got new Twitter? I mean ... I totally didn't get it either. Grr.

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  7. I like it anywhere I can.
    just sayin. ;)

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  8. You are so pretty. And nice.
    You forgot to mention how I'm also a masked vigilante *wink*, an ancient Confucian philosopher *wink*, and a famous stuntman *WINK*.

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  9. OMG, I also hate those "where you like it" posts. They've been all over Facebook and they make my eye twitch. And not in a good way...

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  10. I can survive the FB thing for a while and deal with the new Twitter, but what I can't stomach anymore is watching those freaky sister wives on tv. I want to strangle them every time they open their mouth. If that doesn't set womankind back 100 yrs., I don't know what else does!!

    Getting ready to go buy the RAID...err.. Lysol to spray the creatures in my class :)

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  11. OMG! I want sister wives!!! Because I want a wife, so I can work and do whatever I friggin' want with no regard to where my children are (children? do I have children?)! I can come home, change my clothes and walk out the door yelling "i'm going running", and then come back to a homecooked meal on the table, that magically cleans itself up afterwards!

    Oh, and those disease ridden schools are worse around military bases, or at least that's how I make myself feel better during our winters of sicknesses (oh we can't go, we're sick, again, from oct-feb!)!

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  12. I saw that Beta Dad was a blog of note yesterday. That's how I found you actually.

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  13. I refuse to join FB on principle. Or Twitter either, for that matter. Yahoo! and Blogger are quite enough for me to handle, thank you.

    But if you REALLY want to know, I like it hanging on the kitchen door... on a hook...With my glasses sticking out of the front pocket...
    I know, I know... TMI, yes?

    Schools here put kleenx and hand sanitizer on the lists they send home with the students, along with the paper and pencils... :-P

    Scratch

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  14. I actually haven't seen the "where you like it" thing yet. I've been so busy that facebook has taken a back seat, which is good for me then, because I'm avoiding something that seems a bit dumb.

    My boyfriend always has a baby gate up blocking the stairs so his dog can't get down. I think I'm the only one who ever trips on it trying to get over it.

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  15. And here I thought I was some soulless sociopath for thinking that whole "where I like it" raising awareness for breast cancer Facebook thing was highly annoying, and does not, in any way, direct our attention to breast cancer but to the gutter, and other weird places.

    I feel better now...

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  16. I am so sick right now, my eyes are burning red. But, am I in my bed?

    No. I have the day off, and so I am catching up with my funny funny bloggers.

    I only catch up with the funny ones.

    Go on, pretend like I"m not even here...

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  17. Sometimes these streams of consciousness are exactly what a blogger needs - me likey!

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  18. I eventually succumbed to joining Facebook about 3 weeks ago and I am so sick of everyone farming and gaming. I must say that I like it in the cupboard. I hadn't even thought of breast cancer before I was asked to make that posting so I suppose it served a purpose??? Love this blog and the comments are great fun too... That whole sanitizing thing is toooooo much. The experts that is why we are succumbing to every little bug because we are comprising our immune systems by being too hygienic...

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  19. I actually haven't seen the "where you like it" thing yet. I've been so busy that facebook has taken a back seat, which is good for me then, because I'm avoiding something that seems a bit dumb.

    My boyfriend always has a baby gate up blocking the stairs so his dog can't get down. I think I'm the only one who ever trips on it trying to get over it.

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  20. OMG, I also hate those "where you like it" posts. They've been all over Facebook and they make my eye twitch. And not in a good way...

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