Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Texting: A Cautionary Tale

Some recent text-message exchanges:

 
Her: Running to the store...need anything?

Me: Yeah, a NANNY.

Her: Ha. So nothing then?

Me: Um, no, I said a NANNY. The biggest one they have, please.

Her: Rough day, huh?

Me: Nothing a NANNY wouldn't cure!

Her: Well I'll text you later.

Me: But wait, I need some milk!

Her: You're so annoying.



*****

Me: Hey! Busy today? You should come visit!

Her: Doing the cancer walk.

Me: Lame. Fucking cancer.

*****

Me: [Sent pictures of boys' matching head bruises]

Him: What are those from?

Me: Hitting things. With their heads.

Him: Lady.

Me: I've lost all control. I'm texting from the closet where they've locked me.

Him: ...

Me: You're in cahoots aren't you?

Him: ...

Me: Hello?

Him: Wife.

*****

Them: Free AT&T message: Reminder, your bill is ready. Try out payment options at att.com/mywireless or dial *PAY and press send to pay from your phone.

Me: I've got something you can PRESS.

Them: This is an unattended mailbox. Do not respond.

*****

Me: I just texted. To say. I love you.

Her: Thanks for your Stevie-inspired text. Did you mean it from the bottom of your heart?

Me: Only if you're willing to be my part-time lover.

Her: This joke died last week.

Me: The writing's on the wall.


21 comments:

  1. Me: God please help me get through this lousy rush hour traffic.

    God: Sorry pal, you choose where you live and where you work - outta my hands.

    Me: But can't you cause a flood or something that washes these cars out of my way?

    God: LOL. U so crazy.

    SD
    http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/

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  2. I don't get into the texting. Oh I receive them, just don't text back. I call and annoy them that way. ;)

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  3. i text A LOT. i barely make calls on my cell anymore. we have a family plan - myself, awesome husband, mom, and my brother. brother sends over 2500 texts a month. that averages out to like 80 A DAY. and our family plan has like 700 minutes. we use maybe 40 a month.

    i wish i could get a plan that is all texting, no minutes.

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  4. I love text and I wear the same when I text too

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  5. Your texts? Poetry. Your text attire? A club jam. Rock the fusion.

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  6. I prefer to text instead of actually talking with my wife. That way i can actually finish a sentence.

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  7. I'm much funnier in texts that I am in person. Plus I don't accidentally spit on the person in front of me when I laugh at my own funny funny jokes.

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  8. My hubby and I text promises we never keep - is that a warning flag?

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  9. Hey! Did you steal that dress from me?

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  10. My best/worst texts are always thanks to that bitch auto-fill.

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  11. Texting makes me funnier than I really am. Especially when it turns the word fuck into fork .

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  12. You forgot to put on your special satin gloves.
    http://www.ashafullife.blogspot.com

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  13. Love it! I love to text, but sometimes Ijust can't push those little buttons fast enough!

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  14. did my last comment go through? I don't know I can't remember if I have to put a captcha on this particular page. FAIL. abbreviated version of original comment-you're a funny texter.

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  15. My phone hates texting as much as me and sometimes refuses to do it.
    Him: How is work going today?
    Me: I cbr,t 0 it ban wilndls R anD
    Him: Oh, so trouble with Edna again, eh?

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  16. Is that your sexting dress? Funny to re-read texts after a while. Out of context they often make no sense.

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  17. Librarians possess a certain evil that scares normal humans like you or me. You're lucky you escaped without being cursed... you're damn lucky this time.

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  18. Hilarious! I usually mis-type everything to confuse my hubby and add in pirate-talk as much as possible, it's a great time.

    Me: What arrrrr ya doin maytee?

    Him: Really? I'm sitting right next to you

    Love your texting outfit! It's lovely! :)

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  19. So many states are making texting while driving illegal..ok, so sure it isn't SAFE ..not just for your driving ability but your texting can also be a problem:

    I decided to send a provocative, sexy message to my husband...we were going to have a night to ourselves..so..as I am attempting to text, drive and hide the fact that I am doing this from the po-po (too much time w/ teens)...I hit "send"..

    now, my (and husbands obviously) last name begins with a "C" .... my best friend's last name? Begins w/ a "B" and they are right next to each other...guess who gets my sexy message? Guess who's WIFE sees my sexy message? Guess who gets a WTH were you thinking? Yeah...texting while driving SHOULD be illegal...

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  20. Hilarious! I usually mis-type everything to confuse my hubby and add in pirate-talk as much as possible, it's a great time.

    Me: What arrrrr ya doin maytee?

    Him: Really? I'm sitting right next to you

    Love your texting outfit! It's lovely! :)

    ReplyDelete