Sunday, October 31, 2010

The Curse of Halloween (and a Bad Mother)

Today? Today is Halloween. And I've been listening to my son ask me "IS IT HALLOWEEN YET?!" for about three months, so being able to finally say, "Yes! NOW SHUT UP." is quite exhilarating.  On the other hand, I'm a bit nervous. My son is four, and every year on this day he has suffered some sort of catastrophic (kinda) injury.



Year One, Aged Ten Months
Costume: Dragon
Injury: Fell head-first off our porch (just a few steps, really, but OFF THE PORCH) and got a splinter in his nose.

Year Two, Aged 2
Costume: Cookie Monster
Injury: Tripped on the sidewalk, biting through his bottom lip and getting a face full of roadrash. That year he also got spooked by one of our asshole neighbors (hi shitheads!) and remained mute for much of the evening.


Year Three, Aged 3
Costume: SpiderMan
Injury: Bouncing around the living room after a sugar binge, supervised by GRANDMA, busted his nose on the coffee table resulting in an awfully bloody nose and a fainting mother.


Year Four, Aged 4
Costume: SpiderMan (A-frickin-gain. Me: Don't you want to be Iron Man or something instead? This costume has cool built-in muscles! Him: NOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH, WHY DO YOU HAAAATE MEEEEEEEEE...)
Injury: We head out this evening around five o'clock EST, so I'll let you know. And if there isn't any, I'll be sure to trip him up on the way back into the house for good measure.

Happy Halloween punks!

(PS: I'll be going as a witch, naturally.)

27 comments:

  1. That picture of your son beneath a falling anvil made me and my wife laugh so damn hard -- proving that we are a couple of f**ked up people.

    Thanks for confirming that for us.

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  2. Have you got a big old hooked nose? It will serve you right if you fall arse over tit tonight.

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  3. Highly giggle worthy post. Bring Band Aids and that Neosporin on a key fob stuff. You'll be prepared to patch him up and keep truckin'.

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  4. DP: It isn't actually MY kid, but I'm sure the comedic effect would be the same.

    Simon: Arse over tit? YOU BRITS.

    Nicole: I think I'm going to bring his Aunt. A paramedic.

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  5. "...and if there isn't any, I'll be sure to trip him up on the way back into the house for good measure" lmmfao! your devotion to your son's propensity towards self mutilation is adorable...

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  6. What's Halloween all about if not for injuries to kids and hangovers for adults.

    Hmmm... come to think of it, this holiday is nothing but pain.

    SD
    simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com

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  7. Happy Halloween to you, too!! I hope you have a fun (and incident free) time :)

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  8. Very funny! Hope your little guy has an injury-free Halloween.

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  9. Hilarious. Well good luck to your son..I loved the way he responded to you..Why do you hate me? bahahahhaha..
    Happy Halloween..
    Take care...
    be careful..
    BH

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  10. A really fun thing to do is ask for a beer at each house you take the kid to (but not if your driving). It puts a whole new slant on the evening.

    http://warrensphotos.blogspot.com/

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  11. lol -- Way to think about protecting his streak. Kind of like the Bret Favre starting streak, without the lewd messages and photo's involved. ;)

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  12. Trip him for good measure, huh? Maybe someone else should watch him tonight.

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  13. Oh, please, oh, please, let's end this Halloween curse 2night.

    Return, please, no injuries to report?

    Let us know.

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  14. May the night have been injury free. I hate that my kids want to pick their own costumes. Totally ruins it for me. What? It's not about me?

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  15. We spent halloween dressed as two recluse trailer trash who didn't feel like going anywhere.

    (translation: we were ourselves. Suckers!)

    Scratch

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  16. Our adorable 13 month old dressed as a puppy dog. What could go wrong, as we all walk steadily down the sidewalk.

    Wait! A tennis ball bouncing out of someone's front yard! (13 month old forgets he is walking and does Superman- plant into concrete of the sidewalk).

    Now he has a big horn growing on his forehead.

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  17. Damn, you're not kidding! At this rate, I would make sure to stay away from any road runners or coyotes.

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  18. Hilarious! Hope you broke the streak and he remained injury free. My son got his finger stuck in random things 3 halloweens in a row. Only 2 required ER visits.

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  19. Awww....*hand over heart*

    I'm sorry I'm laughing so hard right now. You're just going to have to forgive me.

    Seriously, this stuff is going to make for an excellent story later. And by later, I mean now, on this very blog.

    New to your blog, looking forward to more!

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  20. When I was that age, I didn't have a tradition of injury. I had a tradition of walking up to the wroooong houses.

    Maybe it was me. Maybe it was the 90's.

    Who knows.

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  21. My kids all wore random costumes on Sunday. I have accepted my fate and no longer dream of coordinating costumes.... I did get 2 or 3 halloweens of matchy match stumes, though. Those rocked. A Bee and a flower. A Cowboy and an Indian (so un-p.c.). Cute.

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  22. i love halloween but this year we had to cancel it. we had our wedding reception the day before and even still my husband was like "i'm gonna go as ________". yeah, no. that was like last xmas when he was all bent out of shape bc we didnt get a tree. because we had MOVED into our house a week before. we were living out of boxes for 3 months after yet he wanted to throw a giant needle shedding tree into the mix.
    men!

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  23. Soooo.... did he make it home unscathed???

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  24. Fantastic! My oldest (2) fell on her butt a couple of times and picked all the little bits off her costume, but no damage done to herself.

    I assumed the costume wouldn't survive the night.

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  25. We spent halloween dressed as two recluse trailer trash who didn't feel like going anywhere.

    (translation: we were ourselves. Suckers!)

    Scratch

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