So my husband and I are working on a new budget system that pretty much guarantees that we'll be rich and famous just as we're about to die. It's pretty motivating. Anyway, the name of the system is Financial Peace and we're doing it because he got it free-ish through work. Not because I am sponsored by them. I'd much rather be sponsored by Carnival Cruises or blood diamonds or something.
Anyway, we've been watching the videos for a few weeks now; it's pretty much just one guy on a stage with some props and Bible passages preaching to an audience of financial miscreants. And aside from it making me feel like a complete dweeb, I've gotta say that I'm actually learning a few things. However, there are still times when I want to punch the lovable, humorous, short, bespectacled dude in the face.
For instance, he uses this one example to illustrate the importance of investing your money. He begins by describing a guy who started investing a small amount of money at age 18. This same kid stopped investing at age 20-something. Or maybe it was 30-something. (Does it make *that much* of a difference? Clearly this is why I am in need of such videos.) Anyway, we then get the comparison of the kid's brother, a late-bloomer who began investing in his 30s. OR FORTIES. WHATEVER. The brother, however, invests a noticeably larger amount, in an effort to make up the difference for time. Or something. Who the fuck knows. GAH. THIS IS STRESSFUL.
The point is that the moral of this godforsaken example is to show everyone watching that compound interest earned on investments is like a freakin' blizzard of dolla-dolla-bills, ya'll. But (HUGE BUT), only if you start investing when you're like TWELVE. I'M THIRTY-ONE.
So this is me, sitting there, all what the HELL, dude?! Do you WANT me to succeed or do you want me to rack up a fortune in the kind of impulse shopping that dulls my nerves just long enough to get me to the top of the bridge so I CAN JUMP OFF IT?
Then there was another point in one of the videos where he tried to define most working financial relationships as being comprised of two types of people:
Oh yes he does. And apparently it makes sense to lots of people because this guy is a gajillionaire. So I *try* to hold my judgment.
Anyway, aside from the fact that "nerd" is probably offending way tons more people than just me, I was a bit taken back by this arbitrary and ill-advised method of forcing married couples into some kind of preconceived categories.
I look back to the video to see the guy waving his arms about, gesturing to the audience, all, "Let the NERD do the NUMBER CRUNCHING!" An then, on cue, out onto the stage marched the role-playing NERD. So we could better identify one if encountered on the streets, I presume. And, yes, of COURSE the nerd was a boy. A bald, four-eyed, high-waisted-pants-wearing... ah, yeah. You get the picture.
Then the guy was all, "...and let the DREAMER just SHOW UP!"
(Ah...this is me, hoping I'm the dreamer of the relationship. I eyeball my husband, who is taking notes, adjusting his reading glasses, and sipping some milk. I think I'm good.)
Once again, I turn back to the video aaaahnd, enter hippie chick. Bell bottoms. Lennon glasses. Bandana. Tossing up a PEACE SIGN. I threw down my study guide with disgust and looked at my husband. Seriously?
"And THIS GUY wants to be our latex salesman?!" I asked him, a bit of amused by my own stellar timing and wit.
My husband gave me a scowl. He's never liked Seinfeld. So I started humming some Beatles instead and looked back at my workbook.
"Hey! Did you see that there's a category for BLOW MONEY in this budget?! Get it? Money? For blow? Hah!"
"Alright, alright. I'm watching."
It's at this point that I begin wondering if becoming a millionaire is genetic. I doubt Bill Gates would be cracking jokes during the very serious budget planning committee.
When the video ends, I'm jolted out of my reverie by my husband rising from his chair and I realize I've missed the last ten or fifteen minutes.
Ok, FINE. I'm a dreamer. There's a joke in here somewhere.