It took exactly three visits to preschool before PlusOne brought home his first plague virus. THREE. For a germaphobe like myself, these odds do NOT help me refrain from wiping him down with germX every time we leave the place. Because I'm totally going to from now on. I might even spray his teacher and classmates down with some Lysol as I'm dropping him off.
He was sick for only two days or so, but that was enough to make for one night of NOSLEEP! By three am, I was literally pleading with him. I may have even been whining. In between sticking the thermometer in his ear every 15 minutes because how is your fever only going down half a degree?! I spent my time dozing off and googling IS FEVER DEADLY. By the time he was feeling better, T9 picked up the bug, making for night two of NOSLEEP! He wasn't having any of my whining, however, and often threatened with those dangerous sounding burps. I'd eyeball him suspiciously and shield my face from impending vomit, but it was all a ploy. Clever, that boy.
Yesterday, confident they'd come through the worst of it, I tucked them in and got in bed with my book. Eventually, I fell asleep hopeful for a full night's rest, only to wake up every hour or so myself because MY NOSE IS FULL OF CONCRETE and OH, MY GOD! MY GLANDS! IT'S CANCER! CANCER FOR SURE!
I told you. I'm an impossible person when I'm sick. My husband? He usually rolls his eyes and hides for a few days when I come down with something. Right now, for example, he's napping. I did not marry a stupid man, people. Though, the fact that he never seems to catch these same bugs makes me wonder if I did marry a non-carbon based life form.
Anyway, all this is really just to tell you that I'm sitting here, breathing through my mouth because my nose is so clogged that my ears pop when I swallow water. And I'm pretty sure I can smell my own boogers. Which is kind of neat in a gross way, because HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!
I think I should look into homeschooling. Or, rather, becoming rich so I can hire a live-in teacher. And doctor. And auto-disinfecting robots.