Thursday, September 30, 2010

More on Why I Avoid Doing Anything, Ever

Plus One is of preschool age, which means my days of blissfully avoiding playdate culture are coming to an abrupt halt.  It's one thing to run into a neighbor at the playground, but entirely another to be face-to-face in the school parking lot with a wide-eyed, eager mother who is just SO SURE our kids are gonna be GREAT FRIENDS.

So, in an effort not to deprive my son of social interaction simply because Momma doesn't play well with others, we recently had a meet-up with one of his friends from school. I had some other people from the neighborhood on hand as well to diffuse the amount of awkward twitching and stuttering this stranger could witness. 

My poor child.

Anyway, the playdate went well enough.  For a playdate.  And it wasn't until the little girl was putting on her coat and shoes that things got...well, horrific.

PlusOne did his usual stomping around in protest of anyone leaving his house EVER. (Probably because HAVE YOU SEEN MY MOTHER?! SEND HELP!)  But this always makes me feel badly for whoever is leaving so I try to step in and do the enthusiastic goodbyes.  So I thank the mother for coming by and say things like LET'S DO IT AGAIN REAL SOON! before bending down to give the small child a hug.  At which point, something like this spilled out of my mouth

Me: Thanks for coming over to play with PlusOne! You're such a good PLAY...GIRL!

Girl: ...

Mother: ...

Me: [twitch.]

Yes, that's right.  I called the four year-old a playgirl.  And why did I call her a playgirl?  Well, naturally it was because I sensed that I was about to call her a PLAYMATE and switched it up at the last minute.



Good save, eh? 

My son? He never had a chance, that kid.

31 comments:

  1. I just can't bring myself to call them "playdates" - sounds like something in a 1970s swingers movie. Fortunately for my children, their father has social skills, otherwise, we'd all just be hiding in house peeking out from behind the drapes.

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  2. At least you dropped it there. I probably would have tried to laugh it off and gone on rambling about how that would be a genius Halloween costume theme and my son should dress up as Hugh and the kids could go as a pair. I feel sorry for my future children already...

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  3. I know it's really socially unhealthy... but I would love a blog series on How To Avoid Doing Anything, Ever.

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  4. You know what's great about being a dad dropping a kid off at pre-school? Other parents want nothing to do with him. Moms get snagged by other moms for conversation, but I would get in/get out of that morning ritual with no social awkwardness whatsoever. Or social anything. It was AWESOME.

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  5. funny stuff! By the way, I blatantly stole an idea from a post you had a few weeks back for my most recent post.

    But I did give you full credit.. cause I'm cool like dat.

    SD
    http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/

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  6. Oh, I'm so glad I missed the play date concept!

    Pearl

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  7. Oh god haha. I didn't like anyone leaving either when I was little. Just wait until your son begins to talk his friends into hiding in his closet when the friend's parent arrives. Good times.

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  8. seriously. you are classic. i love it.

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  9. Again, I feel very bad for my future children...your blog is like a fast-forward of my life in the next few years. At least it helps me to know what to expect...sort of. Haha.

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  10. play..friend? At least it wasn't playbunny?

    About half way through 95% of my sentences my mind starts screaming ABORT! ABORT! and things much much more awkward and/or inappropriate and/or incoherent come tumbling out.

    I'm suddenly relieved I don't have children.

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  11. At least you're making an attempt. I begged off a SAHD playdate this afternoon because of...um...sick babies...um, teething?...would you believe rain? My kids do fine. It's the grownup interaction that's the problem.

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  12. LGBG: I think I must've subconsciously been making a similar connection. I've never liked the word either and my mind's decision to bring up soft porn seems to reveal quite a bit.

    Alicia: Oh MAN. Good point. I've had those moments where I try to save it. But it's much less taxing to just stare at the person blankly until they retreat.

    Nicki: I like the way you think. But I'm too lazy. You go first.

    DP: WELL, sir. There is this one dad that keeps trying to catch my eye. But, GET THIS, I think he's just trying to be...friendly? I think I hate him.

    SD: I'm down with theft.

    Pearl: I'm jealous you did. Stupidest invention ever. Like, moreso than maybe the bumpit.

    MA: Hiding in the closet is probably better than running away, right? Just thinking ahead...

    Stacie: I try to love it, too. Otherwise, I'd just be...well, cool, maybe?

    Ms. CD: That's right. It's alright to fall, as long as you do it gracefully. Wait, scratch that. As long as you do it...quickly?

    becca: It's too somethin' alright.

    Prosy: ABORT! ABORT! HAhaha! EXACTLY.

    Beta: I myself have used rain as an excuse, so I would've found this endearing. Hell, I would've been ok if you told me you were busy doing your hair or something. These things happen.

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  13. That's awesome.

    Just think of how cool you'll seem when she becomes a playmate in 15 years.

    Like a hot Nostrademus.

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  14. Oh, and the only reason I didn't give you "The Lovely Blog" award was because Steph just gave it to you, and I didn't know what the protocol was for that. So, don't feel left out. I was planning on sending it to you, but saw that she beat me to it.

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  15. Hee hee. If it makes you feel better, first graders have been known to read to teacher the word horse pronounced as "whores" and why wouldn't they?! well, it is spelled the way they said it and I kinda liked how they switched it up a bit...God save the teacher holding a straight face on that one, though. Oh, and once, my mom went into Home Depot and asked a guy where his "hoes" were at. Blank looks ensued.

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  16. Cannot bring myself to say it, either.

    Puh puh puh...can we come over?

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  17. I would like to set up a playdate with your son. His name is Griffin. He is twelve but rather rather immature for his age. He still has potty training issues. Uhm, he is a Jack Russell.

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  18. She was wearing slutty little bobby socks, wasn't she?

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  19. The one nice thing about getting older is that the kids do too. Play dates are off the radar here. ;)

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  20. The terms "playmate" and "playdate" always gave me a good old fashioned LOL, even as a child. I was an evil little hellraiser.

    Good stuff.

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  21. ugh. i hate forced socialization. even if it IS for the benefit of children. *eyeroll* if you ask me, that little girl should just be thankful you didn't call her anything worse than you did for inconveniencing you with her childlike neediness to play with someone from her peer group.
    GOD! some kids...

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  22. Hahaha... great stuff! As mentioned by other commenters, it could have escalated quite rapidly from there. But not so! So at least revel in the fact that you are getting better at just stopping when appropriate :-)

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  23. lol! Ahhh. . . THIS is what I have to look forward to? Luckily, some of my daughter's friends parents are my friends (did that make sense?). . . But I know there will be a day where I will have to socially interact with parents of kids that my daughter wants to play with - and I will hear *cricket* *cricket*. . . Eeek.

    http://lookingforloveinla.blogspot.com

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  24. I can't say playdate without wanting to hurl. I dread this stage. 10 months is great, I don't look antisocial for keeping my kid in her jammies all day at home.

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  25. Being the day care dad is way easier. I see the moms, they stop and say hi, then they go back to talking about whatever moms talk about, as if I am not there. I drop off / pick up TBY (Tiny Blond Frankenstein) and get on with my day.

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  26. Being the day care dad is way easier. I see the moms, they stop and say hi, then they go back to talking about whatever moms talk about, as if I am not there. I drop off / pick up TBY (Tiny Blond Frankenstein) and get on with my day.

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  27. I would like to set up a playdate with your son. His name is Griffin. He is twelve but rather rather immature for his age. He still has potty training issues. Uhm, he is a Jack Russell.

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  28. play..friend? At least it wasn't playbunny?

    About half way through 95% of my sentences my mind starts screaming ABORT! ABORT! and things much much more awkward and/or inappropriate and/or incoherent come tumbling out.

    I'm suddenly relieved I don't have children.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I just can't bring myself to call them "playdates" - sounds like something in a 1970s swingers movie. Fortunately for my children, their father has social skills, otherwise, we'd all just be hiding in house peeking out from behind the drapes.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Oh, I'm so glad I missed the play date concept!

    Pearl

    ReplyDelete