Friday, September 10, 2010

An Inconvenient Contest *UPDATE*

First a matter a business: I wanted to get my promised VLOG done over the holiday weekend, but it simply did not happen. I kind of need some private time to humiliate myself properly for the whole world to see, and my family just does not GET IT. Apparently dinner and shit *is* that important.

Anyway, I plan to have that up for you this early next week.

In the meantime, I spent a few hours cleaning up my hard drive yesterday. Apparently, thousands of pictures of your children, family, and inappropriately photshopped Painted cartoon images will bog a bitch down. What I found was intermittently boring, amusing, and somewhat disconcerting. I suppose I'll let you figure out which was which:

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5
So, I guess I might as well turn this into a caption contest, right? I once had a contest where I gave a way an autographed copy of a Chuck Norris book, but that's when I was way cooler. Sorry. This contest will be way less cool. Now, I think I have some leftover swag from BlogHer, but most of it has been claimed by my grabby children. And then consumed, chewed, or destroyed.

How about, in an effort to give back to my amazing readers, I give the winner a prominently-placed link to his/her blog for a week? Sound good? SAY YES. And I'll get someone else to choose the best caption so I can't play favorites. That someone happens to be the lovely (no really, I saw her IN PERSON. LOVELY.) Cat from Zipbag of Bones. Are you not following her blog? Well, you might want to get on that.

And lest you be confused, there is only one winner. Not one winner for each picture. I'm simply not coordinated enough for that kind of thing, kids.

So, fire away! I'll close the contest Sunday the 12th at noon and have the results up by the next morning. Maybe. We go by island time over here. In the suburbs. Of New York.

In the meantime, I'll work on coming up with a legitimate post for you. Oh, and the VLOG. Eek.

**UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**

After some gentle coaxing from a dear friend ("this is the lamest contest ever"), I've decided to throw in a REAL LIVE PRIZE! Winner can now choose between the above mentioned linkage or a free copy of The Panic Room's charity album, Do Fun Stuff! Once Cat, the fair and friendly judge, decides on the best of the best, I'll email the winner Monday morning, at which time he or she can choose the booty.



Wheeeee!

31 comments:

  1. For pic #2
    For her husband, the best part of waking up is NOT Folgers in his cup.

    For pic #5
    Scooby doesn't appreciate having his tail used as a phallic joke. After this photo was taken he only agreed to meet fans via Skype.

    For pics #1 & #5
    ".. and now we come to the final award for the evening. The prized Biggest Douche on the Net trophy. Tough competition this year between two guys with freaky furry fetishes. You can't collar these two, they coughed up the proverbial hairball just for you. And the Loser is... "

    SD
    http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wuahahaha!

    (Erm, this is not meant to be my competition entry, but if by some miracle I'll happen to win, I'll want the prize, please.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1. Proud member of PETA

    2. "What? My nails are wet!"

    3. "Now I know why that bastard declawed me."

    4. ...for the complete fuckwad who has everything...

    5. "Oh yeah, ladies...Scooby DO."

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  4. #1 The Thneed is BACK! - (Check The Lorax by Dr. Suess if you don't understand.)

    #2 It was an unfortunate accident, but the payoffs were rich.

    #3 Peek-A-Boo

    #4 A necessity for anyone wanting that Dylan McKay look! Act NOW!

    #5 The excitement on Scooby's gave away his true feelings for The Rock.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can't stop myself from entering, I have OCD about competition! *Sorry*

    1. "Will I look more or less cat-like if I pull on the ears like this? You can be honest."

    2. "Is this a problem? I really get the most of my caffeine-high if I drink it like this....and if this bothers you, you prolly shouldn't watch me smoke."

    3."Man, I have the strangest feeling that there is a scary clown on my butt."

    4.Um?

    5. "What?"

    ReplyDelete
  6. 1. Where the Wild Things Shouldn't Be.

    2. "My husband prefers that I keep my hands well rested for his h.j.'s."

    3. That clown is such an asshole...

    4. "And ladies! Your days of a crooked landing strip are now over!"

    5. Scoobs was scarred after uncovering the Mystery of the Man With the Horse Penis and proceeded to self medicate with a few too many Scooby Snacks.

    ReplyDelete
  7. 1. Oh crap! I've got it on backwards AGAIN!

    3. Yes, I AM the cat's ass. You got a problem with that?

    4. Money back guarantee if mutton chops go out of style everywhere.

    5. Why Scoobie, I'm happy to see you too. ::blush::

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  8. #1 If Escher did costume design.

    #2 Mail Order Brides: Circus Edition

    #3 Choose from over 200 designs! Free with with your pet's surgical sterilization! Ask about our piercing options!

    #4 But wait. Call in the next 30 minutes and receive a second "Perfect Sideburns" kit at no extra cost. And, as our gift to you, a free Flowbee! Now approved for use on cats and dogs.

    #5 Little Johnny would later remark, "Gee Dad, do you think Scooby always stays for the sleepover after the party?"

    www.NinjaMomblog.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, I'm dying over here.

    I don't feel funny enough to enter here, but I can tell you that "...then you prolly shouldn't watch me smoke" and "oh..yeah...Scooby..DO.."

    are just about the funniest things I've read in a.long.time.

    A.long.time.

    Hilariousness. Your readers are the best.

    ReplyDelete
  10. #1 "Mama's got a brand new bag"
    #2 "No ordinary cup of coffee"
    #3 "What?...Seriously what?"
    #4 "No on will ever look at you the same way again"
    #5 "If only little Johnny was as excited as dad about the family's Scooby siting."

    ReplyDelete
  11. I couldn't resist...


    #1. “Am I sexy like Catwoman now?... Guys?”

    #2. “Honey, please… not with the nice china!”

    #3. “Don’t worry, Kitty…. I got your back”

    #4. Wait, those aren’t actual sunglasses? I should really start reading instructions…

    #5. A recent obsession with Chatroulette has made Scooby a little unpredictable with fans

    ReplyDelete
  12. AHhaha! Clearly I should think twice about ever having a competition where my readers can prove that they are much funnier than I am.

    Keep 'em coming!

    ReplyDelete
  13. How sad that a funny person such as myself can only think of two funny things on one funny picture? #3 "Do I Have something on my face?" or "Does this cat make my ass look big?"

    ReplyDelete
  14. All right. *cracks knuckles*

    1. "Hey neighbor! Wanna play...what the fuck? Who put this fence here?"

    2. One Girl One Cup

    3. Something something Jaeger something catnip.

    4. Preferred by 4 out of 5 sexual predators!

    5. Ruh-roh!

    ReplyDelete
  15. 1. Wheew, for a minute there I thought that dog really thought I was a cat!

    2. What do you mean I’m weird? You’re freakin weird!

    3. This way if I’m walking backwards, you can still look me in the eye.

    4. Elvis used it

    Drum roll please…..

    5. What would Scooby do?

    I say pick me, cuz I’m new to blogging, and it can be a “welcome to the neighborhood” kinda thing

    ReplyDelete
  16. #1 The stripes had the unfortunate effect of making her butt-cheeks look totally lopsided-But other than that it was a SUPER HOT outfit.

    #2 There was no way in hell that Marsha was going to be outdone by that 15 year old Bikini Barista her husband had taken a shine to.

    #3 Everyone loved the hat but they all agreed that something was a little 'off' about his bow tie.

    #4 ...Call in the next 5 minutes and receive a FREE copy of 'How To Get Chicks Totally Naked'-a $40 value!

    #5 Ever since Scoobie agreed to take that summer job in the 'tourism' industry in Thailand-he just hasn't been the same.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Love your blog! I am your newest stalker thanks to the "blogs of note" section.

    Ange

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sometimes we have to remove time to do simplest of things!!


    I liked your blog...
    I got here through blogs of note.....
    Regards,
    Welcome to Cofeeinpot!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Here's my contribution to this madness:

    1. Where's the audition for 'cat woman'?

    2. "You'll fall head between heels for our new tea brand!"

    3. " Quick, I need the camera, I gotta send this to the ASPCA"

    4." Do you know why Elvis left the building?..To go get himself this nifty sideburns kit!!"

    5. famous last words: " Honey, don't forget to take little Johnny to the mall for his portrait, I want to use the photo for the Christmas cards to my family..."

    Please pick me, I've been blogging since the summer and I've still got only 6 followers...I'm beginning to get an inferiority complex over here...

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm too disturbed by the photos to leave captions. Unless each caption reads: "See, THIS is why the Internet is bad."

    P.S. Looking forward to seeing your foray into vlog world. I thought about trying that once... then thought....No.

    ReplyDelete
  21. 1: where the wild things are?
    2: that bitch ain't got nothin on me.
    3: the kitty eats where he poops :(
    4: bahaha, I sooo bet that so many men actually use this while in the privacy of their bathrooms. reminds me of another useless tool. the pony tail flip? a.k.a the topsy tail?
    5: awww is that your family?! ahem I would say that you should advise your husband (if that be your husband) to avoid sitting on scooby-doo tails while the family portrait is being taken. I must have a dirrrrty dirrrrty mind.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I am 91% sure the giant ewok suit, or whatever the fk it is, was crafted for the same winners that want to dress up as babies and have hookers change their diapers and feed them milk bottles.

    If someone was walking down my street in that get-up, I would ask them,

    "Kind sir, is it Halloween, and are you dressed as "Barfolomew" or "Barf" for short?"

    If the answer was no, I would hit him with a tire jack and roll him into the sewer pipe down the street. I don't think that's overreacting.

    ReplyDelete
  23. 1. Your neighbor hires a resident from the neighborhood asylum to dress up as his imaginary friend to thwart of robbery attempts in the neighborhood = $150.00

    2. Finding a limber young woman for your husband's morning entertainment to help him learn new sexual positions for the two of you = $250.00

    3. Hiring a trainer for your cat for the next big circus show auditions or the next upcoming feline commercial = $400.00

    4. Buying a surprise gift for your husband without actually telling him that he needs a little help with his grooming habits = $75.00

    5. A photo so adorably funny that you can't help but post it on your blog without photoshopping to reduce embarrassment = PRICELESS!!! - LOL'n

    ReplyDelete
  24. I M NOT GOING TO LIE! THIS SITE SCARES ME! WWW.RANDOMDANCING1.BLOGSPOT.COM

    ReplyDelete
  25. 1. How the hell do I get out of this sh!t?
    2. Warning signs that your wife is starving for attention.
    3. What kitty don't know won't hurt him.
    4. Oh Hell No.
    5. I told you those weren't vitamins...dumb ass.

    ReplyDelete
  26. OMG. LOL!!! I am terribly glad that I am not judging this contest. . . who to choose?!

    1. What you get when your mom makes your costume

    2. The other woman that women fear their significant others will meet --> minus the nude leggings

    3. PETA is going to have a field day with that one (let's hope they can't trace your IP)

    4. "The award for the WORST invention ever. . . !" and I bet the inventor thought he was onto something

    5. Dad looks a little too happy. . .

    Good luck reading through all the entries! :)
    http://lookingforloveinla.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  27. I hope that there is Folgers in the cup in picture number two because contorting myself like that would not be the best part of waking up!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I M NOT GOING TO LIE! THIS SITE SCARES ME! WWW.RANDOMDANCING1.BLOGSPOT.COM

    ReplyDelete
  29. Here's my contribution to this madness:

    1. Where's the audition for 'cat woman'?

    2. "You'll fall head between heels for our new tea brand!"

    3. " Quick, I need the camera, I gotta send this to the ASPCA"

    4." Do you know why Elvis left the building?..To go get himself this nifty sideburns kit!!"

    5. famous last words: " Honey, don't forget to take little Johnny to the mall for his portrait, I want to use the photo for the Christmas cards to my family..."

    Please pick me, I've been blogging since the summer and I've still got only 6 followers...I'm beginning to get an inferiority complex over here...

    ReplyDelete
  30. Sometimes we have to remove time to do simplest of things!!


    I liked your blog...
    I got here through blogs of note.....
    Regards,
    Welcome to Cofeeinpot!!

    ReplyDelete