Thursday, July 15, 2010

Exclaim! Exclaim!

Disclaimer: Yes, this is yet another post about Thomas the Train, but only indirectly. Remember as you proceed that the real enemy here is not the person victimized by socialist men in top hats, but the people who yield their punctuation irresponsibly.

The thing is, guys, that I mostly like Thomas the Train. If only for the reason that there are no choreographed dances, references to maps or rescue packs, or odd personifcations of inanimate--....well, wait. Eh, two out of three.

But I *have* always had this sneaking suspicion about socialist or communist (could you do the math there for me?) undertones surrounding Sir Topham Hatt's endless praise of Thomas' usefulness.  So far, however, Plus One has not grown a beard or taken to marching about the house jabbering about the bourgeois or the proletariat.  (Which is good for many reasons, including the fact that I won't have to google those terms.)

Then, yesterday, we went to the library. (Because it was raining. And I hear books are quite the rage.)  Naturally, he beelined for the Thomas section. After taking some inappropriate pictures for Twitter, hiding all the books that T9 had hurled from their shelves, and eyeballing some sign about keeping it SHHHHH!, we packed up our books and headed home. 

I duct taped directed T9 to one side of the couch and plopped Plus One on the other. I sat down between them, eying them sternly.  We were about to have some meaningful, bonding storytime, and I wanted no misunderstandings about said FUN, QUIET, and STOP HOGGING THE BOOK.  It was going well enough, I suppose and I took pride in our middle-class, productive afternoon.

Then. The bubble burst.

I won't even *touch* on the absurdity of the direct object of Henry's crash being more EXCLAIM-worthy than 1) knowing he's going to crash and being POWERLESS to stop it or 2) the crash itself.

My concern, really, is that my son will think it's just OKAY to toss punctuation about like it's damn ticker tape or candy or last night's dishes.  Naturally, I paused and took advantage of this teachable moment.  I was met with blank-eager-fearful eyes, which I took to demonstrate comprehension that no son of mine would grow up to be an EXCESSIVE EXCLAIMER.

I happen to be a teacher, folks. And, clearly, a goddamn top-notch mother.


Bonus: This dude has spent more time thinking about the implications of this odd blue engine than I have, and appears to be leaning towards a fascist interpretation.  Silly scholars bloggers!


  1. Perhaps this video will help you with that whole proletariat versus bourgeoisie thing:

    Emperor Doofenshmirtz Sings

  2. It's all about the homosexual imagery!!

  3. Next thing they'll be inserting umlauts, and commas with abandon. Fucking trains.

  4. I wish I had pulled as many trains as Thomas!!

    Wait, what?!

  5. I was always freaked out by the Thomas TV Show, with it's eerie humanized trains that always seemed to stare right THROUGH THE SET at my daughter and me...

    ...and then we discovered Jay Jay the Jet Plane, and the new nightmares began.

  6. MJenks: And who says TV is bad for kids!? That's it, compulsory Phineas and Ferb marathons from now on.

    Kevin: I always wondered why Thomas said "PEEP! PEEP!" instead of "CHOO! CHOO!" Subversive blue bastard. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

    Logical Libby: I'm pretty sure my toddler comma spliced a sentence during a conversation last night with Grammy. Things are grave.

    Ed: I don't know if you're referring to poop or sex. Maybe both?

    DP: Dude, my mother bought my son some Jay Jay pajamas recently, though we've never seen the show. CREEEEEPville.

  7. It's all about the homosexual imagery!!