Sunday, July 18, 2010

Don't Laugh...Audibly

She looked at me and repeated herself.

"You don't have to love them, Kristine. Just find people you can talk with and who can help you."

My therapist, much to my dismay, was suddenly sounding reminiscent of my mother circa 1985. A reason, perhaps, why I'm in therapy to begin with.  It was then that I realized my world is pretty much on some sort of cyclical, destructive path, and this year seems to be the point where the CD kicks back to track two: my prepubescent destruction of innocence.

So. Lovely. My therapist. She wants me to make friends.  Sad and laughable at once, I think.



But, you know, since the hermit-like thing doesn't seem to be working out so great for me, maybe she has a point.  MAYBE.

So, for the past few weeks, I've been metaphorically packing my bagged lunch, stuffing my backpack with homework and glittery pens, and trying to not piss myself as I walk towards unknown faces.  I mean, Christ, I'm not agoraphobic or anything. It's just that I tend not to like people.  For fear they'll tell me to suck a ham. And stuff.

And so far, I haven't once had to come home and cut gum out of my hair. I've gone to the gym, had movie dates, went swimming at a friend's pool, talked to NEIGHBORS, made playdates, and overall worked to free myself of the rigid schedule that I'd previously used to ease my nerves. (Well, and medication.  That, too.)

And, you guys? I'm even taking a mini-vacation.  Ahem.  I think, I mean...it's kind of a working vacation of sorts. If you consider conferences work.  Conferences that relate to a sometimes embarrassing, yet fully unshakable hobby.

This is to say, friends, that I'm going to BlogHer.

Sure, I probably don't belong there and might hyperventilate at the first of the eleventy billion social events, but I'm going.  I like blogging. I like writing. I'm an English teacher. I did all that ridiculously amazing blog-centered research in my quest for Masterdom.  It kind of fits. On paper.

I recounted all these LOVE YOURSELF homework talking points to my therapist a week after her somewhat hollowing suggestion.  As if on cue, she paused after this last detail, much like you're probably doing right now. Wait...I'm sorry...did you say BlogHer?

Her: So what kind of conference is it?

Me: Uhm, well, it's ah, it's pretty much, you know, like a writing conference.  And I've always like writing, and I kind of happened upon a ticket...and, so...

Her: And what kind of things happen at a conference like that?

Me: Well...I mean, I'm not sure exactly...it's...really what it is...it's just more specifically a writing conference for the kind of writing that is done online...kind of conference.  It's, it's kinda like...you know blogs and stuff?...so, I mean, I guess it's mostly a blogging conference. [It was at this point that my verbal dance went off on a solo interlude, creating noises and sounds that could certainly earn it a nomination in the Jammy Awards. We both cringed.]

She paused, allowed me to regain control of my tongue.  Then:

Her:  And what exactly is a blog?

Call me crazy, but I'm not sure this is going to get therapist seal of approval.

15 comments:

  1. That blog header is awesome, Kristine!

    Now I wish I could go to BlogHer- I bet you'll have a blast!

    I have to say, though, that your therapist appears to be made of lose.

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  2. If she's going to succeed as a therapist, she has GOT to move into this century!

    What's wrong with being a hermit, exactly?

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  3. I think the fact that you're a teacher explains your need for therapy. :-)

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  4. I second 林秋萍林秋萍.

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  5. What goes on at Blogher? It's like what Bluto Blutarsky was watching through the window at the Sorority House, right? RIGHT?

    Don't answer. I know I'm right.

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  6. your approach to blogher sounds a lot like mine in that i can't stop telling myself that i probably don't belong there and the hyperventilation has already begun at the mere thought of entering the building. ALONE.
    since i tend to be sort of self-appointed social outcast i'm not really looking forward to schmoozing all that much but i also don't want to be friendless in a room full of blogger besties.
    GAH.
    if i wasn't driving to the conference both days i'd seriously consider just drinking myself through it.

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  7. Tim: I had nothing to do with the blog header. Which is why it looks so amazing. You should probably crash BlogHer. Like the dudes from Wedding Crashers. And, as for the therapist, she's getting a pass on the blog thing since she typically gives me a pass on the crying thing.

    Ami: Right? She's good, but definitely not as hip as she could be. I think I should sign her up for Twitter. Imagine...Twitter therapy! So cutting edge!

    Ed: I'm actually not working right now...haven't for a few years. But it's ok. I pretty much just blame everything else around me.

    TB: You mock, but he appears to be my most loyal reader.

    MJ: Dude, I'm actually a bit concerned that this is exactly what goes on at BlogHer.

    steff: You. Me. Wallflowers. Let's meet up and scowl together!

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  8. What's wrong with being a hermit?

    Real life is when normally intelligent adult human beings turn into mouth frothing morons who don't know how to drive!

    I don't hate people. But I don't like em much either.

    If you get along better with the online community better than the real world, well aiighty then.

    Just warn me before you decide to go Dahmer and eat your kids. 'K?

    Scratch

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  9. What is your therapist, Amish? Does she actually not know what a blog is?
    I applaud your efforts to get out into the world more -- I should do the same. I have one wife, and a very small handful of friends, and need to branch out more myself. If only I wasn't so easily irritated by... well, people.

    I bet you're going to have a great time at BlogHer.

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  10. I'm going too. I'd love to meet you. I'll email you, last year it was really hard to hook up with someone if you didn't have their cell number.

    (PS, I hate parties and I'm scared of people and I did just fine in Chicago, better than that, I had a really good time.)

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  11. Scratch: It's not so much that I hate people or want to eat them, but more that they likely have nicer arms than I do.

    DP: I know. I was kind shocked myself. She's prolly all, "KIDS THESE DAYS!"-ing me during our sessions. A good example, actually, of how people annoy me.

    anymommy: I'd love to meet you! If I don't hear from you, I'll send along my number. I'll be there much of Friday and Saturday.

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  12. Doesn't know what a blog is, huh? Did you have to follow up that explanation with a definition for Internet and computer?

    Have fun at BlogHer!

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  13. Doesn't know what a blog is, huh? Did you have to follow up that explanation with a definition for Internet and computer?

    Have fun at BlogHer!

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  14. I'm going too. I'd love to meet you. I'll email you, last year it was really hard to hook up with someone if you didn't have their cell number.

    (PS, I hate parties and I'm scared of people and I did just fine in Chicago, better than that, I had a really good time.)

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  15. What goes on at Blogher? It's like what Bluto Blutarsky was watching through the window at the Sorority House, right? RIGHT?

    Don't answer. I know I'm right.

    ReplyDelete