Friday, June 25, 2010

Hallucinations (and MAN, I Feel Like A...Man)

I haven't been getting enough sleep around here, guys. With the chasing of children allthelivelongday and my late-night shifts with online tutoring, I am feeling, ah, loopy.

But I don't tell you this to complain (necessarily). It's rather meant to be context for the following anecdote. 

A few days back, no sooner after I published my Thomas-the-Train-&-haunted-hotel post did I hop in the car, drive down the road, and spot an armored car collecting money from a local credit union branch.

Kinda standard, I suppose.  BUT...

As I sat at the red light observing everything but the road ahead, I realized that this was no ordinary armored car, friends.  Because none other than LORA CROFT appeared to be the skipper.


I'm not kidding.

The woman tossing (literally, actually...odd) money bags into the back of the truck wore the complete ensemble:

1. Black, high shoes/boots.
2. Black socks.
3. Black (short) shorts.
4. Black (sleeveless, low-cut) shirt.
5. Cleavage.
(and while I didn't see a thigh holster, you *know* there's a gun in there somewhere.) Ick.

I just wonder if this was the uniform for the job or if maybe she's a clever armed robber who seduced the legitimate armored-car-workers so she could rob the bank with no one the wiser.  But probably not. Because that would be pretty sexist of everyone involved.

In other news, I bought this new shower gel from Marshall's thinking it was definitely for women, or maybe unisex, despite the brown and gold packaging.  Now that I'm showered and dressed, I'm realizing it's clearly made for men.  This should make for an interesting exchange when my husband gets back from his business trip.  Stay tuned for divorce proceedings!

*****

And as part of this knew resurrection-of-my-blog deal, I'm totally going to start replying to your comments via email.  Pinkyfuckingswear.  Sorry I've been silent.

6 comments:

  1. Come on, high heeled boots? On an armored car guard? That cannot be practical for that line of work. How would she chase down someone who stole one of her money bags. Heh...I said money bags.

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  2. I thought I once saw Lora Croft but it turned out to be a homeless person who's pants were falling apart to the point of shorts and their shirt was covered in bird poo. And...I think they might have been a man. So, OK, maybe I didn't see Lora Croft but I wanted to be apart of this conversation even if I had to lie and talk about a dirty hobo I may or may not have seen before.

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  3. I love everything about this post. I completely endorse Lara Croft-esque uniforms for women authority figures, and feel our nation needs more of it.

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  4. I would have thought I was halluciating if I saw a Lora Crogt-esque armored car employee as well. Odd.

    And the seque into the shower gell was perfect!
    :-)

    I think I'm sharing your overwhelm of livelongday loopy too. Thank God it's the weekend.

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  5. I wish they'd go nationwide. I LOVE exploiting women.

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