Monday, June 28, 2010

The Bloggess is My Marriage Counselor*

Listen, I know I said I'd be more "friendly" and "appreciative" of you people by "replying" to your "comments" but I'm wondering about this dude:



Thing is? He's way more loyal than any of you bastards.  I just wish I knew what he was talking about.  I feel like there's such a wedge between us.  And not the cool "bedroom" wedge. I mean like the kind that puts the "wedge" in "wedgie".

Think he knows English or should I just communicate via emoticon?

And one more thing....

Recently, after being inspired by this recent post by The Bloggess, I decided it was time to have a serious discussion with my husband. One I'd been avoiding for some time.

Me: I've got to ask you something.

Him: What?

Me: No, really. It's important.

Him: ...

Me: I...I just...I wonder what you...what you would do...if....if I...well, if I farted...while....we were, you know...doing it .... BECAUSE it's just that there are TIMES...you know, with all that movement....and---

Him: Um, keep doing it?

Me: [sigh of relief]

Another marriage saved by The Bloggess, eh?

*****

*Just don't tell her because she'll probably want payment or something, you know? And really, ever since that Google pyramid scheme, I way flat broke.


13 comments:

  1. The Bloggess is like one of those bad bands that spawns even worse impersonators.

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  2. Wait, people don't fart during sex?

    Huh.

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  3. In some cultures, the passage of gas during lovemaking is a sign of devotion, and is considered to be a particularly erotic type of foreplay. There was a whole special on the Discovery special about it.

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  4. Wait, is there a guy out there who would give another answer? He clearly doesn't deserve to have sex At All.

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  5. I say push out a huge fart next time to test the waters. I'm sure it will be totally sexy.

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  6. AGAIN with the foreignspeak!

    Funny, the profile isn't available, but if you clicky on the post, it brings up what I assume to be is an adult site ("18" is the only thing I can read on the damn thing....)

    anyhoo.

    scratch

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  7. Definitely Mr/Ms Asian-speak is more dedicated than me because I've been in a distant galaxy for awhile now (there's one in my head), so I didn't even know when you changed to this completely amazing layout! I heartily love your header.
    Strue.

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  8. A trained marriage counselor identifies the problems and finds ways to restore the broken relationship by resolving the conflicts and healing the wounds.

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  9. I have hope again. I read this article once and all these LADIES were prattling on about being married for nine hundred years and not farting in front of their husband and I was aghast and in awe and I swear I think of that article every time I fart in the good ol' mornin' and my husband says IS THERE A DUCK IN THERE WITH YOU?

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  10. Wait, is there a guy out there who would give another answer? He clearly doesn't deserve to have sex At All.

    ReplyDelete
  11. In some cultures, the passage of gas during lovemaking is a sign of devotion, and is considered to be a particularly erotic type of foreplay. There was a whole special on the Discovery special about it.

    ReplyDelete