Thursday, May 27, 2010

"I've" Remodled.

So, whaddya think?



The banner and layout before you has been months in the making. And clearly, I had no hand in the matter. I don't think Microsoft Paint comes with Godzilla images.

It all started when I made a casual comment on how I loved Captain Dumbass' new header. What happened next was a conversation I can only imagine resembled how the early Mason's chose the next President...OF THE WORLD. Or you know, a normal person trying to get through to a common idiot.

Me: DUDE! (Yes, I say dude. In real life. Now my kids do, too. Heh.) I love your new header!

CD: Thanks. I know some people.

Me: Um, yeah, I know people TOO, Dumbass. (That IS his name, guys.) Are you making fun of me, you goddamn bully? It was just a fucking compliment.

CD: No, I'm trying to be discreet here. I mean I know PEOPLE.

Me: Jesus, Dumbass. I'm not into threesomes, ok? Especially threesomes with the mafia. This is inappropriate. And while we're at it, I'm not a fan of Donkey balls*, either. Or vaginas**.

CD: Do you even know who I am? You're thinking of SMUK and Mayopie, I think. I'm the guy who does cool lego reenactments and has my children hold inappropriate-yet-hilarious-so-it-kind-of-cancels-itself-out signs.

Me: Ok. I'm confused. I hope I've at least communicated that the mafia is not my thing. Though, I still like your header.***

He abruptly stopped talking to me, but a few days later I got an email from HIS PEOPLE. The rest is, well, plastered all over this here site. And on my Twatter page. And while this artistic goddess does not yet have a page that I can link to (so that you can throw praise, money, and male strippers her way), I'll let you know when she does. Because she was a freakin' saint (Her: So, what are your ideas? What would you like to see? Me: I'm sorry, "ideas"? I'm not familiar with this term.) In the meantime, I was planning on begging you to [REDACTED] so I could [REDACTED] before they send me MY GODDAMN CHECK and then I could send her some hush money because I hear that's what you do with PEOPLE, but then I heard about this brouhaha where apparently that's all against the rules. [HENCE ALL THE REDACTED-ING]

So you know, [REDACTED]. *wink* *cough* *fart*

*****

In the meantime, be sure to check out my other blog, which I'm pretty sure gets about 0 traffic. Other than me, checking to see if anyone has commented. Besides, this week I tell you how I taught my son to curse. It's a tearjerker. Don't say I didn't warn you.

*****

*For the record, I love donkey balls.
**Still not a total fan of vaginas, however. Good thing Mayopie doesn't have one, I suppose.
***This conversation never took place. Dumbass' lawyers made me disclose this. Also, maybe his wife.




22 comments:

  1. So now you've got PEOPLE too?? Lucky!
    Very cool look.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Can your people call my people? Once I get people?

    Clicked for cash. Cha-ching!

    ReplyDelete
  3. :::::falls off desk chair:::::

    W00t.

    Scratch

    ReplyDelete
  4. Holy Cow, I want a new banner with tornados in it because I just shot an awesome if not slightly shaky(wouldn't you be shaking) tornado video and it would go great with my personality!

    I love you so much...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I LOVE IT!! Particularly the stars. I could've sent you some donkey balls if you wanted to photoshop one into each hand up there, maybe. I've got donkey balls up the ass.

    ReplyDelete
  6. It looks super starry and stuff ... so, can you put me in touch with people? Because I need (pot) a blog design.

    Also, re: your new blog design, I think I speak for everyone when I scream, "Bigger boobs!"

    ReplyDelete
  7. What the hell? Now it won't let me post a comment on here?

    Eff you, internet. I'm going home.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love the new look. I usually read your blog from my blackberry so I don't see all the fancy stuff, but I'm so glad I have some real computer time tonight!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I had people. Then I started taking my medication regularly and they disappeared.

    Like the new look.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The stars... so mesmerizing... it's like I just woke up from getting clonked in the head with a cartoon anvil.

    ReplyDelete
  11. God-zi-rah and VW buses are always a good combination.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow! This is incredible! Loving the new look! You can't have too many stars or Godzilla's IMHO. I want people too! Brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Look at you, Hotness!!! NOW, I'm sure that the stars will all follow you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I had you pegged for a Mothra gal.

    ReplyDelete
  15. you are so funny! I will definitely be following and ell oh ell'ing a lot!

    ReplyDelete
  16. hey lady, it's been awhile since you've posted. I hope everything is okay!

    ReplyDelete
  17. you are so funny! I will definitely be following and ell oh ell'ing a lot!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Wow! This is incredible! Loving the new look! You can't have too many stars or Godzilla's IMHO. I want people too! Brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  19. The stars... so mesmerizing... it's like I just woke up from getting clonked in the head with a cartoon anvil.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Holy Cow, I want a new banner with tornados in it because I just shot an awesome if not slightly shaky(wouldn't you be shaking) tornado video and it would go great with my personality!

    I love you so much...

    ReplyDelete