Monday, March 22, 2010

You Mean #hcr Doesn't Stand for "HELL CHILDREN, REVOLT!"?

Well, shit.

So much for announcing an official comeback. It's been, what? A week?

Hopefully I can bank on the fact that you probably know me well enough to assume that pretty much everything out of my mouth is hyperbole and conjecture.
(Like, OFFICIAL COMEBACK = Eh. I'll think about blogging next week. *yawn*)


(How's that for a segue!? HAHAHA!)
But seriously (ish), with all this buzz about #hcr and "politics" and "greater good" and "Obama" and "end of the world" I was thinking that now would be a good time to brush up on my super hero skills. I mean, I kind of started this blog because I figured Oprah would eventually stumble upon it and advance me millions of dollars for my memoir. But since she's clearly not in the freaking loop, I'll have to find my rich-and-famous niche elsewhere. Might as well be in saving the fucking universe. You lazy bastards certainly aren't going anywhere fast.

[Wait, BE NICE TO THE READERS. Sorry. You guys are WAY AWESOME. And probably run marathons on your lunch break at work. Work being, CIA operative type-stuff.]
But stop dominating the conversation already. My point is that I'm here to save the U-S-A! U-S-A! / world / universe from what Twitter is telling me is the Eve of Destruction.

(And it's a good thing for that Twitter, really. Because I thought that #hcr was just those nimrods misspelling SXSW again. Idiots.)

So as I launch into my superhero mission, I'd like some feedback on what to wear. I guess I've never really done this kind of social affair before. Initially, this came to mind:

But I guess that's too I'm-datin'-Jesus-y. So I had my mother make me this:

But I feel like it shows off my penis too much. And, to be honest, this is getting a little frustrating, so I think maybe I'll just settle on this:Because, let's face it. I'm too much of a dance-machine to let the world end without some serious coutoure and a sweet jam or two. You can bring the strobe light. And more hairspray.

(And a fucking dictionary. Because #hcr is not in my Webster's Student Edition.)

You know who's not ignorant though? Sir Jason of Dadcentric. He's even going to be on the NEWS tonight to prove it. I'm tuning in to learn a thing or two. (I'll be wearing outfit #3, however, JUST IN CASE.)


  1. I like the Jesus/Angel look best. Unless you can combine the Jesus/Superman look....

  2. I do find it amusing that you went (in your imagery) from polite angel to pelvic thrusting super hero. Isn't that just a metaphor for life really? We all start out innocent enough and before you know it, well.. I think you get it. =)

  3. LOVE YOUR STUFF! Need. More. Please!

  4. Just found your hilarious site and you seem to be a lady who enjoys pasting her head on to other people's bodies just like me. If you're going to fight teabaggers and celebrate armageddon dance video style can I be the virtual Beyonce to your Gaga?

  5. The black, shiny outfit works well with the pink hair... definitely the best of the three choices!

  6. LOVE YOUR STUFF! Need. More. Please!