Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Staggering Work of Heartbreaking Self Promotion *UPDATE*

I've got it kids. The autographed Chuck Norris book. And since I seem to have imploded The Mantime Show (may it rest in peace), I get to give it away here. You know, because I stood in line for about six days for it and am now in the Witness Protection Program for insulting Mrs. Norris and the Norris Handlers.

Anyway. The contest. Naturally, I want something out of this because it's not really ALL ABOUT YOU GUYS, you know. (You selfish bastards.) So this is how it's going to work:

1. You leave a comment on this post? 100 ENTRIES!

2. You put this button on your blog? 500 ENTRIES!

3. You tweet about the contest? [Enter @waitinthevan's Chuck Norris giveaway or she'll kick you in the head! http://bit.ly/7BNh8v RT! (or I'LL kick you in the head!) Or something along those lines. Be sure to @waitinthevan so I see it] 550 ENTRIES!

4. You follow my blog? 800 ENTRIES!

5. You draw a portrait of me with crayons and email it to me? 5000 ENTRIES!

6. Make me a funny video? (I said FUNNY. And new. And PG-13.) 10000 ENTRIES!

7. An awesome option that you come up with and I approve? 50000 ENTRIES!

And that's pretty much it. I can't play favorites with numbers. Otherwise, I'd cheat. In fact, I still might. So watch me closely. But, not too close or you'll hurt your eyes. (Also, someone fetch me a calculator. And an accountant while you're at it.)

So here's the prizes.

First place:

The autographed Chuck Norris book

Second place:

The autographed Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick Card

Third place:
These post-it notes. Because they seem like the kind of post-its that Chuck Norris would have. (I don't know! I ran out of Norris paraphernalia!)

The contest ends in two weeks or something, at whatever time I so choose, so get cracking. I think you could get up to like a bajillion entries by the time this is all said and done. And the points are staggered so that latecomers still have a shot at becoming my new BFF. I mean, WINNING THE PRIZES!


Looks like the wonderful Miss Chief is in the lead because she busted out her crayons. But to be honest, I haven't really tallied up the points, but I kind of did in my head and that's almost as good as those guys in suits they use for American Idol and The Oscars. The point is that I'm kind of lazy and just want to see more drawings/videos/tattoos of my face on your forehead.

UPDATE #2: WHOOPS! Looks like I'm all "JUST KIDDING!" because Jules made me a video in which she insults my sensibilities as a mother, but technically she still gets the points and GRRR and everything, but she's totally wining now.

UPDATE #3: We've got another portrait, this time from Tristachio. It's not exactly of ME (unless I am to presume I look like a burly merman, which--if you've seen me in the AM, may be slightly on point) but I still want to hang it in my bathroom:


  1. I tried to comment, it was good, too. Now I forgot it. So rather than try to be all clever and get frustrated again, I'm just going to see if I can comment at all. Then I'll probably come comment again if I can, because I really want that book.

  2. I think you just gave me an awesome idea for a blog movie, a paintshop pic, and possibly another excuse to use the song "everybody was kung fu fighting"!

    I think you should just send me everything right now.

  3. Retweeted AND I've been a follower for a while.

    I am hopeful for those Post-Its (or maybe the signed memorabilia, but beggars can't be choosers).

  4. Im leaving a comment!! Woooooot And I've been following you for quite some time. :)

  5. you know i did say 140 characters worth of please?

    i guess i'll get back to rubbing my grandmother's foot.

    thanks kristine.

  6. I might be able to come up with something.

    Let me think about it.

  7. ok so let me see...I'm writing a blog post about you right now. I tweeted about your contest and put the badge on my blog...I already follow you and I'm commenting right now and about to draw a portrait of you and post it in my aforementioned blog post.

    I'd say that wins me 6950 points. Not bad. Not bad at all.

  8. There's no such thing as global warming: Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun.

    I made that up myself. Not really.

  9. i just want the post-it notes, so have tried hard to come in 3rd place by only following you, commenting, and adding the button to my blog. i'm about to blog about this. i hope that doesn't earn me more points. good luck to me!

  10. What about someone who roundhouse kicks people to the face, screams "Wait in the van!" then comments? How many points is that?

  11. Chuck Norris appeared to me in a piece of burnt toast and told me that I'm being a bad friend by not commenting. So.

  12. Chuck Norris' calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd...because nobody fool's Chuck Norris.

    You have an award for you waiting on my blog ;-)


  13. There will be a vlog up by the end of the night!!! And I'll be Tweeting it!!

    P.S. You should promote this on http://studiothirtyplus.ning.com/

    How many points do I have????? A quatrillion?

  14. Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

    @Sally-Sal~you should totally format it like Andy Samburg's digital short of people getting punched before eating....? ;)

    and I RT'd-lizbug333

  15. @Sally-Sal You also have to include the zombie dance at the end......please?

  16. My husband looks just like Chuck Norris -- if he taught high school. I think that should be enough.

  17. Thanks to everyone for joining in! Just wanted to let you know that it looks like Miss Chief is still in the lead with her amazingly accurate crayon-portraits.
    Time to bust out your crayons and video cameras, people. Or come up with something spectacular that not even I have imagined. (Which shouldn't be too terribly difficult, actually.)

  18. oh, oh oh CHECK THIS OUT!


  19. Kristine - you are amazing. I can't believe you are willing to part with this stuff. I'm totally tweeting about you.

    P.S. I've been MIA... Did I miss the review of New Moon? :)

  20. @Sally-Sal You also have to include the zombie dance at the end......please?