Anyway. The contest. Naturally, I want something out of this because it's not really ALL ABOUT YOU GUYS, you know. (You selfish bastards.) So this is how it's going to work:
1. You leave a comment on this post? 100 ENTRIES!
2. You put this button on your blog? 500 ENTRIES!
3. You tweet about the contest? [Enter @waitinthevan's Chuck Norris giveaway or she'll kick you in the head! http://bit.ly/7BNh8v RT! (or I'LL kick you in the head!) Or something along those lines. Be sure to @waitinthevan so I see it] 550 ENTRIES!
4. You follow my blog? 800 ENTRIES!
5. You draw a portrait of me with crayons and email it to me? 5000 ENTRIES!
6. Make me a funny video? (I said FUNNY. And new. And PG-13.) 10000 ENTRIES!
7. An awesome option that you come up with and I approve? 50000 ENTRIES!
And that's pretty much it. I can't play favorites with numbers. Otherwise, I'd cheat. In fact, I still might. So watch me closely. But, not too close or you'll hurt your eyes. (Also, someone fetch me a calculator. And an accountant while you're at it.)
So here's the prizes.
These post-it notes. Because they seem like the kind of post-its that Chuck Norris would have. (I don't know! I ran out of Norris paraphernalia!)
The contest ends in two weeks or something, at whatever time I so choose, so get cracking. I think you could get up to like a bajillion entries by the time this is all said and done. And the points are staggered so that latecomers still have a shot at becoming my new BFF. I mean, WINNING THE PRIZES!
Looks like the wonderful Miss Chief is in the lead because she busted out her crayons. But to be honest, I haven't really tallied up the points, but I kind of did in my head and that's almost as good as those guys in suits they use for American Idol and The Oscars. The point is that I'm kind of lazy and just want to see more drawings/videos/tattoos of my face on your forehead.
UPDATE #2: WHOOPS! Looks like I'm all "JUST KIDDING!" because Jules made me a video in which she insults my sensibilities as a mother, but technically she still gets the points and GRRR and everything, but she's totally wining now.
UPDATE #3: We've got another portrait, this time from Tristachio. It's not exactly of ME (unless I am to presume I look like a burly merman, which--if you've seen me in the AM, may be slightly on point) but I still want to hang it in my bathroom: