Monday, December 14, 2009

Nobody Puts Baby Jesus in a Corner

You'll have to excuse my absence around here for the past week. You see, The Hub had been gone for three months (for work, as opposed to meeting up with his Argentinian mistress) and has finally returned home. I didn't mention it earlier because I was worried one of you might come to my home and murder me and/or kidnap the children.

(Neurosis: blog. Blog: neurosis. I believe you've met before.)

Anyway, that's kept me preoccupied.

ALSO: you'll notice that I've changed a few things with my layout. Pretty! Also, totally fucked up. I've been informed by more intelligent people that this is a "stretch" layout which means my header will forever be awkwardly sized. I'm trying to work with a really nice sister-in-law type of a fellow blogger, but I'm incompetent and I'm pretty sure she'll be giving up on me here very soon.

ADDITIONALLY: That other site I wrote for is totally going defunct. Like, mere months after I started writing for it. And right when I got my first HATE COMMENT! But I'm trying not to take the closing personally, and attempting to put a positive spin on it. How does this sound for my resume?

POWERFUL WRITER WILL IMPLODE/DESTROY SITE WITHIN MONTHS OF HIRE.

Actually, that's pretty much my entire resume. Wanna hire me?

Let's see...what else...


OH, so, the kids' Grammy bought them a Fisher Price nativity set for this Christmas season, which is totally cute. But Plus One has been concerned that the baby is in a nest and has been playing donkey-rescues/kidnaps-Baby-Jesus-from-the-horrid-Manger ever since we took it out. T9 seems to be helping by chewing on Mary. That'll show her.

Secondly, I'm kind of annoyed because it didn't come with the Three Wise Men; you have to buy that shit separately. Which is SO not in the spirit of Christmas. I mean, who exploits Jesus like that!?

Right.

In the meantime, I'll be spending this week trying to get a salvageable shot of the boys for our annual Christmas cards. Hopefully they don't turn out like last year:



19 comments:

  1. Do you know why that other site you write for is going defunct? Because you never let me guest post on it about how awesome it is to have disposable income and no kids.

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  2. Ahh being sleep deprived and medicated is the only way to be. And those little people Holy toys complete baffle me.

    I think I completely blasphemed myself in the eyes of my family when I got my son's Noah's Ark one a few years back. It came complete with a rainbow flag on top to which I exclaimed..."Oh look it's a Gay boat cruise!"

    I thought my overly Catholic aunt may have had a coronary...

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  3. Ooh! Nice layout and I like the use of CAPITAL LETTERS.

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  4. I'd hire you to guest-write on my blog....but there's no pay in it. And you'd have to bring your own readers.

    But you could make business cards!

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  5. I dig the new layout. It took me a little to tweak mine as well when I stretched it.
    The blog.
    Jesus, people...

    Ooops, sorry. Baby Jesus.
    :-)

    LOVE the last years Christmas photo! LOVE it!

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  6. I bought my wife a really nice nativity a few years back. The bastards release a new character or animal every year that I am forced to buy 'cause she has to "have the complete set." I hope they aren't planning to produce all of Jerusalem. It's the gift that keeps on giving and giving and giving......

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  7. I just want to know where i can get one of those onesie-pajama-footie things in a size 14??
    Hmmm im guessing macys? no wait...sears right?

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  8. Wouldn't be the first time Mary was ever eaten.

    Oh, wait. Ever virgin. I guess it would be.

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  9. Well, if it makes you feel better - who's got two thumbs and had his Internet radio show cancelled?

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  10. Well, Mary MIGHT have been a liar... so your kid may be on to something.

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  11. I would flip off the man and supply your own wise men. Just have your son make macaroni wise men- you can use wheat pasta for authenticity. That might come across as inappropriate, but it's the holiday season so I'm sure everyone will forgive me.

    Here's some other suggestions you can use, that I can supply if you want:

    -Mr. Potato Wise Man
    -Mr. Marker-Face-On-A-Green-Pepper Wise Man with toothpick legs
    -Lego Man, but with wisdom
    -Army Man With Minesweeper Thingy Wise Man
    -Ronald McDonald Jamming on a Guitar Wise Man (just kidding- no one gets this until I'm dead)

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  12. Someone stole the baby Jesus from our towns Manger Scene.

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  13. I lived in Buenos Aires about ten years ago, and let me tell you: those Argentine chicks are HOT. Also most of them have an eating disorder, so you can always snag their dessert.

    It's true . . . the government had to legislate that shops carry more than size 0-1 . . . for the REST OF US.

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  14. Tristachio: Maybe THAT'S why. They were missing YOU.

    Apryl: Totally sounds like the kind of comment I'd make in front of my husband's Southern Baptist family.

    UberGrumpy: Thanks! Just ignore all the ugly bits. Including the capital letters, if you will.

    Tex: The other site didn't pay either. And they didn't even send me any traffic. Essentially, it'd be the same if I wrote for you, is what I'm saying.

    Dr. Zibbs: Right? It's sad when the post can't live up to the title.

    f8: It'll take me just as long...as it takes to find someone who'll do all that tweaking for me, that is. Also, look forward to an "Christmas Photo Outtakes '09" post. I try to convince my husband to use them instead of the "good" shot every year. This is a close second.

    Cortico: Sucker!

    Black Bird: No joke, I have a pair. It's just that The Hub has banned them from the house. I think LL Bean makes them. I've also seen them in Target.

    TIM: HEATHEN!

    Jason: Two thumbs? Nah. Also, do you think it MERE COINCIDENCE that I was also linked to your radio show?! (Whoops?)

    Jules: No room at the inn? Lame excuse.

    NotBenny: Are we talking Green-Plastic-Army-Figure wise man? Because that would be an *awesome* addition to ANY nativity scene.

    Ed: "Someone"? Thieves always have to brag to someone, don't they, Adams?

    Expat: Good lord. You must have amazing self-esteem. I'd have offed myself living there. Well, that's dramatic. I'd probably have only become anorexic. You know, for the children.

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  15. I lived in Buenos Aires about ten years ago, and let me tell you: those Argentine chicks are HOT. Also most of them have an eating disorder, so you can always snag their dessert.

    It's true . . . the government had to legislate that shops carry more than size 0-1 . . . for the REST OF US.

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  16. Wouldn't be the first time Mary was ever eaten.

    Oh, wait. Ever virgin. I guess it would be.

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  17. Ooh! Nice layout and I like the use of CAPITAL LETTERS.

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