Friday, November 13, 2009

It's Ok to be a WHOOO Girl When Holding a Dildo*

So...ahhh....I'm going to one of these here "Passion Parties" this evening. And, well, yeah.


When I RSVP'd to the thing, I knew full well what I was signing up for, but I don't think I properly visualized the awkwardness. The party is being hosted by a friend of mine that I only recently got back in touch with. And all of her single, kind of self-absorbed friends will be in attendance.

And me, of course. I'm self-absorbed, too. But at least I'm married? (Okay, so I'll probably fit in well enough.)

Anyway, I don't know why I'm telling you this, exactly, other than to WHINE about how I'll be embarrassed and warn you that the next post will explicitly outline how I accidentally smacked someone in the face with a purple dildo or something.

Because you KNOW that's totally going to happen. That, or I'll mistakenly eat a pair of panties, thinking they're part of the appetizer spread.

SPREAD! AHAHA! (Yikes.)

Wish me luck. And offer any suggestions on the proper etiquette for watching sex toy demonstrations. Do you clap? (Yikes.) Ask questions? Take notes? Am I expected to be a fucking WHOOOOO! girl here?

This is going to be something else. This is certain.

__________

*Actually, no. This makes dildo-holding exponentially worse, I'd wager. In other words, I'll test it out during the demonstration. Watch my Twitter for live updates.

22 comments:

  1. No, you don't clap. You let your glasses slide down your nose a bit, steeple your fingers, and nod knowingly from time to time.

    Seriously though, those things are lots of fun.

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  2. I'd say the proper etiquette is to laugh and giggle and make inappropriate jokes.

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  3. No, you say "I want that one" to everything they show. Everything! And by the end of the night your that freak who likes dildos. That's the best title to get at those parties. I don't really know this but I would think it is true.

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  4. The last time I went to one of these it was really funny and okay, but then like three weeks later a photo of me giving the thumbs up to a huge realistic rubber phallus showed up at my work. And it was a close-up of me and the thing...it wasn't clear that it was ... uh ... not attached to a man's body.
    Funny but not really work appropriate, know what I'm saying?

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  5. Ooooo, definitely ask a lot of questions. With a straight face. All while sporting your baby tee with "I *heart* my *vibrator*" on the front (words inside *'s being actual pictures, of course).

    I may or may not know this from having done it myself.

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  6. You. Will. Love. It. Especially if you verbally disparage the merchandise against the superiority of the toys you already own and go into great detail about how these new toys aren't "stimulating" enough for your organs. Seriously. I dare you.

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  7. Smacking people in the face with dildos?

    Sounds like a fun party.

    The ones I go to, everybody just gets drunk and plays naked Twister.

    Lame.

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  8. I'd like to be a fly on the wall to see what some of the women have to say and which women uses dildos.

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  9. ...come to think of it, I wonder what % of the population uses them?

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  10. OWO: Sweet. I think I'll bring my digital voice recorder too. And my Press badge.

    Mr. C: I don't think I want to know.

    TIM: SCORE! That's pretty much the only thing I'm good at, clearly.

    Nikki: Um, you first. I think you might be setting me up here. Because I'm quick like that.

    miss.chief: Dude. I'm going to be in charge of confiscating cameras at the door. Forget about keys and drunk drivers.

    Sassy: What if I wear my I *heart* Edward Cullen shirt? Does that make is more appropriate?

    Cat: I'm good at being pretentious. I think I could channel this for dildo mockery.

    Ed: I'm not sure the smack recipients will feel the same way.

    Dr. Z: No need to be a fly on the wall, because I'M HERE TO TELL YOU! HA! Those suckers will never suspect a thing when I distribute my polling worksheet.

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  11. The last one I went to, the lady asked for a volunteer to taste some creams...they were pretty yummy from what I hear, not like I'd jump up and lunge at her or anything....heheh...have fun!!! :D I'd revel in being the married friend b/c they probably all think married sex isn't fun!! ;) lol

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  12. Oh, goody! I can hardly wait to hear how this one goes! (I wonder why I never get invited to these parties?)

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  13. Now I REALLY want to know what happened... there were hardly any twitter updates at all last night. I'm guessing that means your hands were otherwise occupied?

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  14. InsideOut&CrazySymbols: I can neither deny nor confirm that I was forced into a bathroom with a Q-tip.

    CatLady: Let me tell you, there were some quotes worth repeating. But when I found myself going to use my phone to take notes, I imagined my eventual stoning by means of some angry, aroused women. And those dildos weren't your typical "body massagers." I could've been hospitalized, CatLady. Hospitalized. No post is worth that. (Well, some. But not one about dildos.)

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  15. I'm REALLY looking forward to your next post! Tee-hee

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  16. Ive always wondered what kind of people actually decide to throw these kinds of parties... Cause I dont think its usually crazy pervs! But I dont know many people who are that open with sexual things

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  17. OWO: Sweet. I think I'll bring my digital voice recorder too. And my Press badge.

    Mr. C: I don't think I want to know.

    TIM: SCORE! That's pretty much the only thing I'm good at, clearly.

    Nikki: Um, you first. I think you might be setting me up here. Because I'm quick like that.

    miss.chief: Dude. I'm going to be in charge of confiscating cameras at the door. Forget about keys and drunk drivers.

    Sassy: What if I wear my I *heart* Edward Cullen shirt? Does that make is more appropriate?

    Cat: I'm good at being pretentious. I think I could channel this for dildo mockery.

    Ed: I'm not sure the smack recipients will feel the same way.

    Dr. Z: No need to be a fly on the wall, because I'M HERE TO TELL YOU! HA! Those suckers will never suspect a thing when I distribute my polling worksheet.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ooooo, definitely ask a lot of questions. With a straight face. All while sporting your baby tee with "I *heart* my *vibrator*" on the front (words inside *'s being actual pictures, of course).

    I may or may not know this from having done it myself.

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  19. I'd say the proper etiquette is to laugh and giggle and make inappropriate jokes.

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