1 a. Firstly, you should get up on the Twitter.
1 b. But also, something monumental came into my life the other day. I was driving along on my way to pick up my new specs when I saw a sign that would change the course of
That's right, kids. CHUCK NORRIS is coming to town TOMORROW! Like Santa, but with less fat and more roundhouse kick.
Right now, the plan is that I will go and get one of his fancy new books and have him write something awesome on the inside cover. THIS has finagled me another appearance on the ol' Mantime Show. I'll have a chat about my life-altering experience with the Norris and possibly tell the tale of how I tried to hug him, but was detained by military officials and sent to Guantanamo Bay for a few hours before the Norris himself came to avenge my injustice.
Or maybe just how I took his picture and stuttered awkwardly.
Anyway, I'll be giving away the book on the Mantime Show (date TBA), which I plan to have him address to "Schmoopsie." So, if that's your name--or you'd like it to be *wink* *wink*--then stay tuned for details on the giveaway.
2. Okay, next we've got the premiere of my new specs! My son was asking to take my picture last night
Which is clearly unacceptable. So I told him that this kind of artwork just does not cut it in this world unless you're a drug-addict or a trust-fund baby. Which, I might add, Plus One is NEITHER. So he took a deep breath and channeled his toddler-angst for the hipocrysy of the modern art world. The result:
He's going places, that kid. But really. What about the specs? You love? The Hub hates, but he's a man of routine. As he scowled at my face the day I came home with them, I smirked and told him to say something nice. He responded, "They look expensive." I'm not sure this was a nice thing, since he has access to our bank account records.
3. LASTLY, I was mentioning--again, on Twitter...why are you not there?!--that I went to a big fancy party this weekend. One where they cut a cake with a sword, attendees wore fancy suits (and some, even blue hair), and the paparazzi followed my every move. It was hard not to pick my nose, I'll tell you. It gets really dry in November.
No, but I really didn't take many pictures because I invited my friends, one of which is a professional photographer with Magnum Photos. So, why the hell would I bother? That's what
No, but really. That doesn't even LOOK like me. I never wear makeup! So go easy...I'm laughing at myself...but only on the outside. Inside I'm vexing my lipstick choice and love for hot roller curlers.
So, lets finish with a shot of us on our way home, exhausted from staying up until 11pm on a school night. This another picture I'd initially put up on Twitter (catch my drift?).
I love it because it highlights my new sunglasses, the stunning beauty of the region in which I live, and our area's curse of punkass fucking kids:
PHEW. Am I done talking now? Christ, I'm long-winded sometimes.
I feel like I need to recap:
1a. Follow me on Twitter.
1b. Chuck Norris book giveaway on the Mantime Show. Stay tuned for details.
2. I got new glasses. Fawn or make fun at your will.
3. I went to a party, danced to Jay-Z and Alicia Keys, and wore too much makeup. This is why I tend to stay indoors.
I rock, clearly. *TING*