Monday, October 5, 2009

No, I Don't Have a Point. Go Fish.

So listen here. I am stuck in unfunny, have no new adventures to speak of, and have suddenly gotten kind of busy.

That's right, I've gotten BUSY! Yay?!



I'm an employed woman these days. Which, sadly, feels almost as exciting as the days when I would blow my paychecks on beer and handbags. Sigh. Maybe I should think about scheduling an extra session with my therapist.

ANYway...I guess I don't technically have the job yet, because I'm still in training. It is paid training, however, so it kind of counts. And it's sure as hell going to give me more than your measly Google-ad-clicking has. (But no, really, I'm very appreciative!)

After reading all these training manuals, however, I'm kind of getting the vibe that I'm working for some subversive, powerful bastards. They keep dropping these hints about how I'm "expected to perform" and will be subject to "unannounced review" and that my contract can be "yanked" (okay, so they didn't say yanked...I was skimming) for NO REASON.

People. I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE. I'm used to being a tenured teacher! Having a worthless blog! Raising impressionable, yet resilient young humans that are subject to amnesia at this age!

Naturally, it's (the pressure, that is) bringing out the asshole in me. (It's one of my finer stronger qualities.)

As in, I want to write passive-aggressive emails, or form some deep-seeded insecurities that will manifest themselves into resentment, or maybe I'll even write about them vaguely on my blog without much interest or entertaining banter.

Heh.

WHICH...brings me to my...uh...point? I can't really talk about my job because it's an ONLINE JOB and they're totally already running a background check, and if I'm lucky enough for them to skim over those dodgy months in Alabama, then I shouldn't ALSO think that they couldn't find my blog (because they're technical wizards and I'm NOT ANONYMOUS) and thusly FIRE me, hurdling my plight and writing talents to the headlines of CNN.com.

That's why people get online jobs, isn't it? Wish me luck.

10 comments:

  1. Considering that this is an "online job" (If that's what it really is because I'm kind of assuming from that picture there you've finally taken up the heady and exciting life of a glitzy prostitute) would that mean if, say, someone (not me*) wrote a blog about how you've taken up the fab life of a glitzy prostitute out to "teach" the "youth" of today about the proper application of nipple pasties and then linked it back to this blog they'd be able to find it?

    Because if so, that'd really, really suck. Just saying.
    *totally me

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  2. I'm a terrible person, but not so terrible that I would out you. Your lifestyle is your business.

    Wait, what are we talking about? Your new job, right? Good, because that's what I was talking about, too. Silly monkey.

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  3. We really have our priorities messed up when teachers are unemployed and our kids are falling even more behind in performance. Tax payers in Dallas will approve spending an obscene amount of money to go toward a new stadium but at the same time will rack their brains trying to figure out where they can make budget cuts in the school system. And yes, this is me-- I don't always talk about farts and vaginas.

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  4. This is exactly why I don't usually talk about how I am a superhero/ninja.

    So, compared with the rest of your kickin' body, your face is just not tanned at all. Does your head have vitiligo? Cause that's just a bum rap.

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  5. CatLady: I happen to know for a FACT (not really) that NOTHING is safe with you.

    Trodo: God you make me feel so UNCOOL sometimes. What the eff does "taken up the heady" mean? :/

    Hunter: My blog is more exciting than my lifestyle, dude. But run with it if it makes the writing go down smoother.

    Kim: Wait, you live in Texas too?! I think I'm moving there next summer. I'll mail my cats ahead of time. Sweet.

    NotBenny: I knew there was something involving a cape/nunchucks behind all that funny. Also, vitiligo? Not sure. Might be more like decapitation.

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  6. Good luck! If this job doesn't work out, you can always turn to stripping or selling drugs like the woman on Weeds.

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  7. Do you wear that outfit at your new job?

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  8. You could have a friendly co-worker who decides to point out to HR that you have a blog. That's always fun.

    And then, every time you see said HR director, she asks how the blogging is going, rehashes how she thinks you're very creative, and then adds at the very end--hastily--that she doesn't read your blog.

    RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT...

    That always helps drive the creative asshole in all of us.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You could have a friendly co-worker who decides to point out to HR that you have a blog. That's always fun.

    And then, every time you see said HR director, she asks how the blogging is going, rehashes how she thinks you're very creative, and then adds at the very end--hastily--that she doesn't read your blog.

    RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT...

    That always helps drive the creative asshole in all of us.

    ReplyDelete