In doing so, I've compiled a list of some DO's and DON'Ts. Here's what I've come up with so far:
1. Do get an online job. This makes you sound technologically savvy and hip, and not-at-all socially repressed, possibly grossly deformed, or utterly anxiety-ridden and ruled by your children's sleeping pattners. Ahem.
2. Do post pictures of yourself that in fact prove you're not grossly deformed or keeping children locked in the closet:
3. Do highlight how awesome your children are because this will ultimately reflect upon you. Everyone knows that the cool gene is transmitted from the mother. Also, the chubby cheek gene, but whatever DARWIN. (Asshole.)
4. Do drop hints that you will be the first ever female guest poster at a previously male-dominated blog, without even having to fellate anyone.* (I know, the obvious joke, but it's not often you can use "fellate" in a sentence, and I am not the kind of person to let these life moments pass me by.)
1. Don't wrestle giant tents in a windstorm. In your pajamas. As your children watch. Also, the neighbors.
2. Don't add BITCHES! to the end of your statements. Especially when talking to colleagues. Or your mother. (Also, children.)
3. I suppose we can expand this to omit all "COOL" phrases from high school as a general rule. Because, let's face it, I'm freaking THIRTY and they weren't even cool when I was 18, drunk, and cellulite-free.
4.*Don't admit that you had to Google "verb form of fellatio"