Thursday, September 24, 2009

Update

Oh, heyyyyy.

Yeah, I've been slacking, huh? Well, the thing is that I've actually been doing a ton of writing lately, but it just isn't for, uh, you. Heh.

AWK-ward!

No, but really. I've started writing for a new site, which appears to be ready to launch this coming Monday, so I'll post the link when it's all up and running. It's a true-blue Mommy blog, so don't get too excited. Except, I'm writing for it, so get VERY excited.

In the meantime, allow me to update you about what has been going on in my life:



1. Plus One is going to turn three in a few months. And already, he has learned THAT word. You know...the one that starts with an F and rhymes with TRUCKING. Fine, it's FUCKING, okay? He learned the word FUCKING. Which in itself is, uh, pretty bad. (Perhaps embarrassing would fit here, too.) But it gets worse, people! Ahhh, so much worse! Because, you see, Plus One seems to think that THAT word is some kind of THING. As in, "Look Momma! It's a FUCKING! Over there, by the chair! Hi FUCKING!" Which, as it so happens, is also quite funny. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how difficult that makes things for me in the discipline department. Especially when I start to wonder if FUCKING is actually his imaginary friend. Awesome.

2. Remember my lament about missing out on meeting a Cullen vampire at a super cheesy mall event? Well, through the powers of Facebook, I've discovered that my "friend" actually went. Like, went with a group of women who wore matching pink shirts. AND SHE DIDN'T INVITE ME. Allow me to point out the symbolism for you here: not only am I pathetic enough to obsess over sparkling fictional things, but I'm much MORE pathetic than women who obsess and ALSO think it's fun to show up to said events in MATCHING ATTIRE. People, I was shunned. I'm NOT COOL ENOUGH for that club. THE MATCHING SHIRT AT AGE 30 CLUB. God, what has come of my life?!

3. The Hub is on a business trip of sorts, and I think Pink is suffering some sort of nervous breakdown. He paces the house, doing that warbled, LOUD cat meow thing. It might possibly be the most annoying thing IN THE WORLD. Even more annoying than when they used to eat wires. Because here, there is no hope for electrocution. There's only me hurling pillows at him from across the room. [SMILEY FACE! *TING*]

4. This Saturday, I'm having a yard sale. Who wants to come and give me money for mostly useless garbage?! Sweet. I'll email you the address.

11 comments:

  1. Elijah keeps saying 'shit' if it makes you feel any better.

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  2. 1) My child drops the F bomb along with every other curse word in the book. It IS embarrassing, but HOW do you keep yourself from laughing through the discipline? This parenting stuff is HARD!

    2) I wouldn't wear a matching shirt, but I'd kick them in the shins for not inviting me. My 30 year old cousin has joined "Team Edward" and my 34 year old cousin "Team Jacob". Now, I think Rob Pattinson is a sexy mo fo, but I'm not wearing an effing team shirt. I will, however, think about him naked.

    3) I'll trade my cats for your cats. One drools and the other one's meow sounds like a police siren.

    4) Have too much crap of my own. Wanna buy it for your yard sale?

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  3. This is exactly why I don't do face book- so I can attend my Cullen vampire shin-digs in secret.

    I had a bird once I kept trying to teach to swear. It never worked.Your son is obviously WAY smarter than all birds. Well done.

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  4. My son came up with the visionary "triple shit" the other day, which I have worked into my vocabulary oh so well. Things going wrong in the lab? Triple shit. I come home and wife hasn't left me? Triple shit. What's for dinner? Hamburger helper? Again? Double triple shit.

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  5. Wow, #2 is really sad, it leaves me speechless.

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  6. erin: Not really.

    OWO: Just when I thought I could brag about keeping them alive, now they start cursing. Hard to brag to people when your son is cursing at them. Also, I think we're on the same page with Edward. The same NAKED page, that is. *wink, wink*

    NotBenny: He is totally a parrot, so that seems like it could be ironic in the way that Alanis Morisette's song was.

    TIM: Hehe. Consider it stolen.

    @eloh: I live a sad existence, I'm afraid.

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  7. My friend's 3 year old nephew says the word beach and it sounds like bbeeeeetch. You can imagine the looks on all of our faces, "Fuck did Aidan hear ME say that? His mom is going to kill me."

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  8. Are you sure your son isn't referring to the cat?

    Clearly you are too COOl for the pink shirt group. High school never ends, does it? Damn.

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  9. I say you make a BLUE shirt and start your own club. Like he would EVER look at girls in pink shirts anyway... Geez.

    And Hubby thinks f*cking is a thing too..... ;)

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  10. My friend's 3 year old nephew says the word beach and it sounds like bbeeeeetch. You can imagine the looks on all of our faces, "Fuck did Aidan hear ME say that? His mom is going to kill me."

    ReplyDelete
  11. My son came up with the visionary "triple shit" the other day, which I have worked into my vocabulary oh so well. Things going wrong in the lab? Triple shit. I come home and wife hasn't left me? Triple shit. What's for dinner? Hamburger helper? Again? Double triple shit.

    ReplyDelete