Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Ah, Humanity. (Love, Bartleby the Blogger)

Yesterday, I "needed a drink." Tacky, but true. And I wasn't even wearing a suit or crunching numbers in the office when I said it. And I wasn't longing for the kind that requires ice to jingle into my highball (?) glass.

But I needed a drink nonetheless. Because I was totally an emotional mess, which in itself is both sad and fucking annoying as shit. Naturally, I announced this to Twitter from my cell phone as I sat in traffic. Twitter--or my cell phone, really--was all, OOPSIES! NO CURSIES! And corrected FUCKING DRINK to DUCKING DRINK and I was all, "man, this would NEVER happen to a dude in a suit who wants some scotch."

Then I looked up and saw a dude puking out a cab window on the side of the road. At 5:00 PM. This only made my need more urgent.

Then I saw this on the car in front of me:

What the hell?

This didn't help my frustration with humanity either.

Later, while at the pharmacy, I was waiting for my son's prescription to be filled. In the waiting room, I noticed a man totally giving me second looks. I mean, I was wearing a super awesome sweater, and that Harajuku Lovers perfume (no, really) I'd just tested (ok, DOUSED MYSELF in) was probably wafting across the aisle and doing its magic. So I thought to myself, "yeah, I guess my husband IS totally that lucky, huh?!"

Then I looked down at my purse and noticed a tampon was spilling out of it and onto my lap.

For these reasons, I went home last night and had a glass of whine WINE.


  1. Only a glass? That's very restrained. I want a ducking drink too.

  2. What exactly does a basket consultant do? Really, I can't think of anything that doesn't make me pity them.

    And I would have had a bottle.

  3. Think how much attention you'd get if you designed a purse made totally out of tampons.

  4. You should have held the tampon like a ciggie and gave the guy a wink.

  5. I think you need a basket(case)consultant.

  6. It's okay to admit that you had a box of wine. We've all been there. Except me, of course, because I'm classy and drink it out of a ten gallon rain barrel in the backyard.

  7. You should have held the tampon like a ciggie and gave the guy a wink.