Friday, August 14, 2009

Wedding Etiquette

I really don't have much to say for today, but I just didn't want that leave that Armageddon post up all weekend.

We're actually going to a wedding tomorrow, which could be fun. Except for the fact that I hate even BRUSHING my hair, not to mention actually STYLING it. I become a slapstick comedy, standing there in front of a mirror, like the spy who's pretending to be a doctor, only to end up having to perform open heart surgery.

Just, you know, with hair brushes and curling irons.

The other thing is that the only dress I feel like wearing is this nice cream-colored sundress. It also happens to be my, ah, wedding dress.

So I guess that would be a double offense--wearing a wedding dress to a wedding. And while I don't especially like the bride, she's kind of scrappy and I have weak wrists. That kind of domination wouldn't even make a good blog post, people. Do you know how hard it would be to take pictures of your own ass being kicked? Tricky, at the least.

Maybe I'll just make a statement with my hair.


It actually looks like it might be easier than doing it "nicely." I'll let you know how it comes out. Or if I knock out any door frames.

__________

***BONUS: Another reason to loathe CNN. (Or, how does THAT person have a job and not me?!)



18 comments:

  1. i bet if you can pull off altitude like that on your head, the bride will be intimidated to bits and not give a what about the dress. do it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. If you're pulling a Marge Simpson...there must be photos.

    Have a great weekend! Open bar? Hope so.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Have fun at the wedding! I hope your hair turns out looking wonderful!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Go straight for the knees. Take them out first and then a quick kick to the throat ends it.

    *shifty eyed*

    Not that I'm constantly planning something.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Captain: Wait, are you talking about hairstyling or ass beating? I suppose it would be helpful for both.

    Lana: Bitch would cut me either way. She scares me.

    OWO: I'll be pulling a take-the-open-bar-for-all-it's-worth, and that's about it. But by "all-it's-worth", I mean that I'll max out at about 3 drinks and ask to be carried home.

    Jules: Will you please come over and do my hair?!

    TIM: Again, this seems applicable to both hair styling technique and ass kicking. Thanks for the beauty tip.

    PS: I totally had to type these responses TWICE because I clicked on that fucking sitemeter button when I was trying to click SUBMIT. Who put that there, anyway?!

    ReplyDelete
  6. No. I disagree. That kind of domination would make the best blog post ever. girl! fight! girl! fight! Kick her in the vagina!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. oh for fucks sake, what is with the internet and apostrophes? seriously?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nice tail in the back to counteract the awesome frontal height.

    I agree with Steamy - wear the dress. Where's your dedication to your readers??

    ReplyDelete
  9. i can't do my hair either! are we still considered women? i still try to feather mine. yeah, not good.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Not only should you wear the dress, you should also mount your bridal bouquet in that perfectly scooped out spot at the top of your divine do.

    Hey, my word verification is hymeptu... maybe that's where you should kick her ass.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Meh. Wedding, such a pain in the ass.

    I have a back woods hick wedding that I HAVE to go to in a few weeks. Im not even sure the BRIDE is wearing a dress, but I feel like jeans are just out of the question for ANY wedding.... so what do I wear?!

    ReplyDelete
  12. If your hair is big enough to stop a ceiling fan, no one will be looking at your dress.
    Double score!

    ReplyDelete
  13. That is clearly the most kick ass hairstyle I have ever seen.

    I am sorry about what must of course be a constant struggle to find wearable hats.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I don't like brushing my hair either. If you get into a fight, go for the ankles. I imagine it would be easy because the bride would be wearing heels all day long.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Meh. Wedding, such a pain in the ass.

    I have a back woods hick wedding that I HAVE to go to in a few weeks. Im not even sure the BRIDE is wearing a dress, but I feel like jeans are just out of the question for ANY wedding.... so what do I wear?!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Go straight for the knees. Take them out first and then a quick kick to the throat ends it.

    *shifty eyed*

    Not that I'm constantly planning something.

    ReplyDelete
  17. i bet if you can pull off altitude like that on your head, the bride will be intimidated to bits and not give a what about the dress. do it!

    ReplyDelete