Thursday, August 27, 2009

If Dreams Were Currency, I'd Be Rich With Obsolete* Coins

Listen, I don't plan on telling you about how awkward I am for the REST OF MY LIFE, but seriously? Things are getting weird over here.

Take last night's dream for example.

It primarily starred Kat Von D (Is that even how you spell a name like that? I'm not hip with these things.). She's pretty much just a random tattooed chick, from what I can tell. Anyway, she's there, in my dream, and she's hanging out with a friend who just happened to be Angelina Jolie. Though, in my brain, Angelina Jolie looks a lot more like Rosie Perez.

Right.

Naturally, when the foundation of a dream is built with such raw beauty and fiery possibilities, there are a few really "awesome" directions your brain can take it.

Sadly, my brain went for Option Z.


Because, when I see them at some cafe or deserted highway or whereverthehell I am, I'm instantly starstruck. I excitedly approach, asking if I can take their picture. (Maybe I'm clapping. ) Tattoo chick seems drunk or stoned--or I guess she could've technically just been relaxed and/or happy...whatever--and waves me over. Jolie-Perez is irritated. I ignore her. Because c'mon, Jolie. You lose your clout when you're no longer a sex kitten. (Sorry, Perez. Though, MY what big boobs you have.)

But anyway, here's where my dream pretty much DIDN'T get interesting. It falterd. And then went on repeat.

The rest of it--20 minutes? 3 hours?--pretty much consisted of me fumbling with a camera and apologizing profusely for my inability to take their damn picture. I just kept trying and trying to take a single effing picture, but I was suddenly like the Odysseus of celebrity dreamland and there were Sirens and fucking rocks and warriors trying to bring me down and sleep with my wife! I'm all, I JUST WANT A PICTURE and WHY WON'T THE BUTTON CLICK?!

Tattoo chick was even striking funky poses like I was suddenly in charge of a Sketchers photo shoot, which--duh!--only made me fumble more! I can't take that kind of pressure! The batteries were falling out, the memory card was missing, the flash blinded me then triggered a migraine...

It was endless.

Until, that is, I suddenly was transported to the construction site of a middle-class residential development.

Where I became irritated at the slow progress and began trying to finish things myself while the excavators weren't looking.


God, am I a fucking badass.

__________

*Sure, the title is a mouthful, and one that delivers a mediocre smirk at best. But I wasted nearly 20 minutes (okay, 12) last night trying to remember the fucking word OBSOLETE so I'll be DAMNED if it's not going up there. Really, it's just out of my hands sometimes.

13 comments:

  1. That dream is hysterical!!! I could see BOTH Rosie and Angelina being kind of bitchy..... But I don't really know them and I'm an anonymous blogger so this might not be something I should write, right? I'll blame you if I make national news because you couldn't take the picture.

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  2. Poor Angelina.

    Your dreams are more awesome than mine. I have dream envy.

    Well, until the construction part...because I'd never do manual labor by choice.

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  3. Wow...I wonder if you talk in your sleep. That would be so interesting to see! You should start setting up a video camera every night.

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  4. These are the kind of dreams I have. Random and nonsense. What happen to the days where awesome things happen in dreams? I could use a good one! lol

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  5. The construction site part of your dream cracked me up! You look very natural operating heavy machinery.

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  6. I've been having really inappropriate sex dreams lately. Be thankful yours are limited to aging starlets, moderately sized Bobcat excavators, and good work ethic. I thought this post was hil-a-rious!

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  7. Sketchers photo shoot, haha. Isn't it weird how sometimes in dreams you know someone is one person, even if they look like another?

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  8. Maybe the not being able to take a picture thing has to do with things around you moving too fast and you not feeling like you have the time or are able to preserve the memories before they slip away? While at the same time nothing gets done right unless you do it yourself. Are you controlley at all? I often have those taking over the project dreams.

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  9. Jules: I'll totally take that blame. Taking down Angelina freaking Jolie?! That'd be like finding that terrorist...whatshisname.

    OWO: It was miles away from manual labor. I was just kind of pushing buttons and creating general chaos.

    erin: I don't *think* I do...but this is an interesting idea. (For someone else to do.)

    TIM: NO CLUE.

    Court: Even when the characters in my dreams could add up to awesome, they always turn into confusing comedy acts that leave me eating my pillow or some crap.

    SomeGuy: I'm pretty sure I could make the hard hat happen.

    SoBeAck: Been there, dude. I shared one of those, uh, dreams with friends once and I STILL HEAR IT. *shakes fist in air*

    Prosy: For REAL. That kind of fascinates me and also reminds me of why druggies are weird.

    Steamy: I AM SO CONTROLLEY. *sob* Will you be my therapist?

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  10. Maybe the not being able to take a picture thing has to do with things around you moving too fast and you not feeling like you have the time or are able to preserve the memories before they slip away? While at the same time nothing gets done right unless you do it yourself. Are you controlley at all? I often have those taking over the project dreams.

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  11. Poor Angelina.

    Your dreams are more awesome than mine. I have dream envy.

    Well, until the construction part...because I'd never do manual labor by choice.

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