Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I Wrote This Whole Post While Having to Pee Badly

Very rarely do I start a post with, like, absolutely no direction. No, those ones you're thinking of were probably just poorly executed master works. So shut up because I'm sensitive. But today, aside from possessing a few scattered thoughts that contain even less cohesion, a cup of coffee, and some hungry children CATS, I'm going through with posting anyway.

I suppose we could pretend this post has a meaning. Choose any of the following if it makes your reading more palatable:

1. Kurt recently mentioned eating cookies for his birthday dinner. After stomping around my living room in that's-not-fair-! jealously, I realized he was trying to reach out to me! Like, his favorite reader! Eating cookies for a cry for friendship, duh. And I know, you're all, "HE'S A WORLD FAMOUS COMEDIC WRITER!" True. But people like that yearn for real intimacy, and I get your head out of your butt because I shouldn't have to tell you that. So this post could serve as his belated birthday party. Or a long-winded card.

2. Fodder for when I finally get around to going back to a therapist.

3. Material for you to steal one day when you don't have an idea for a post. But I'm totally kidding about that one because stealing is wrong and I WILL CUT YOU.


5. Okay, is that enough? Because this shit is exhausting. I really just wanted to post some frigging pictures but feel that the whole "Wordless Wednesday" thing is too cutesy for my hardcore persona.

With that, here we go. This first picture I found while the hub and I were trying to identify this fake-sounding bird outside our house. And in case you were wondering, that doesn't make us lame; it makes us fierce and exciting because we were really just trying to establish whether this particular bird could be used as a carrier pigeon for our secret ninja missions. The legs have to be long enough to be fitted with artillery.

Right, the picture. I was pretty surprised that this click-ad was so poorly marketed. I've revised it so that the advertisers can have a sneak peak at my services. I'm for hire, YES.

This other picture is something I saw on a fun site I frequent for humor. Other than this one, of course. But if you're actually grieving Michael Jackson's or Farrah Fawcett's deaths, then A) get a life and B) don't keep reading. But do, because this is so very funny:

That's it.

Really. I'm not even going to ease you down from the ecstasy of my post. It's part of the experience.

PS: In case you were wondering, I had this other great idea about how I'm really a walking musical and people should be paying me for entertainment. But I can get that to mesh with bird porn. So that's just a preview for tomorrow! An irresistible taste!


  1. slap a beard on that and you could be honoring Billy Mays, too.

  2. i love the musical idea!! but birds, ick, and bird porn :(

  3. It's Micrah! Like Michael and Farrah only shmushed together. Like Brangelina! Shut it! I tried.

    my wv is grating. Hmmm

  4. Owl sex has to be hot. They can swivel their heads around backwards.

  5. Is that like a hidden camera for birds? Did the male owl set up his mac computer camera all secret like to film this for his myspace?

  6. That. is. my. favorite. picture. EVER.

    The porn birds one. The M.J. Fawcett pic will haunt my dreams for weeks probably.

  7. If only they could have done Michael, Farrah AND Ed McMahon!

  8. They need to stick Karl Malden's nose on there now ... then it's gold

  9. Seriously? I come over here to your blog because I am still in morning that all these famous people that I have never actually met died and I am faced with this type of picture? Kristine, I am saddened and ashamed. Why the hell does that picture not have a beard. BILLY MAYS DIED TOO YOU KNOW!

  10. Secondly, word verification basically told me about cock sap.