And when they die by means of a fake gun with even faker bullets, well, that get's problematic. He just kept yawning at me and then he sat up and started licking his ass.
So, yes, it's true: I'm bitter that I won jack shit in those lame-o contests.
Okay, NOT REALLY.
But it's really, REALLY true (look at that SEGUE! I should be on radio!) that I went swimming today with my son and it EXHAUSTED me. Here are a few reasons why swimming isn't really that cool now that I'm 30:
1. I wear glasses. Have you tried to swim with glasses? Because, before age 30, I'd just take them off. I mean, right? What the hell do you need to see? You're in a frigging pool. After 30, however, kids start showing up and expecting you to save them if they are taking on water. Glasses help with that part. Kind of. But mostly they just get splashed a lot by said child, which kind of brings us back to the beginning. Thankfully, everyone made it out alive.
2. Fat suit:
3. Doing a cannon ball at this age (or THIS WEIGHT) would probably result in hip surgery. And water up my nose? Well, that just makes me whiny.
4. Holy crap, swimming is a lot of work. Swimming with a buoyed 2.5 year-old that is climbing up your torso is somewhat life-threatening, but also, exhausting.
In summary, because of this relative sleepiness, you, my beloved (and perhaps morally questionable) blog reader get the following:
2. My admission that I am somewhat buoyant without the assistance of swimmies (that's me referring to my chub).
3. Evidence that I am fully unable to be funny while sleepy.
4. A photo of me in a BATHING SUIT--the ultimate sacrifice just so you have a little something to chuckle at while you're having your morning coffee.
This, my friends, is the tears of a clown*. While there's