Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Things That Make Me Say "Oh."

I know it's annoying to hear people bitch and moan about everyday things. But this isn't anyone, people. It's ME. Plus, I don't complain as much as I just roll my eyes and maybe sigh dramatically. So have a look:

1. Yesterday I went to the grocery store and saw this:


Apparently it's a scanner that you take with you as you shop. Like, so you know how much crap you're buying at the store. And people are all excited about it presumably because it's cutting edge. You know, like the calculator was in 1965.

Yawn.

2. Then I was reading my local (online) paper and read an article about some ATV accident:

"Police said Monday both girls were wearing helmets. The ATV, intended for one person, did not have seat belts."

I loathe this newspaper, so I'm really hoping that when I was all "You jackass! ATV's don't HAVE seatbelts!" that wikipedia wasn't rolling its eyes at ME.

3. We live in a development of mostly duplexes. At least I think that's what they're called. I'm not a Realtor (<--spellcheck tells me this must be capitalized. Pompous pricks.), geniuses. Most of the yards are shared in the front and people have been planting flowers and such ever since they saw my AMAZING landscaping skills and pretty much began their attempts to keep up with the WitV's. Some have even been fertilizing their grass. Lovely. But what's not so lovely is how they have been doing only THEIR half of the front yard. I was going to take a picture, but there's a lot of SAHM's around here and my husband already things I'm too much of a "New Yorker." It kind of looks like this, but also worse.
And this was probably my second worst post ever, so in an effort to duplicate the magic of the Sauna pants, I'm going to give you a super-surprise picture.

Ready?

Here you go...SURPRISE!


Oh...well...oh boy...yeah, I don't think they're going to work out too well for anyone.

This is exactly why I want this (Cornify) permanently glued to my sidebar.

6 comments:

  1. I'm going to be starting job interviews soon. I neeeeed those pants. If those don't nail and interview then I don't want their stupid job.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Those pants scare me and for some reason look like they are made of cornflakes.

    I want some freaking cornflakes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for showing my shit post some love, fellas. As for the pants, I think if they WERE made of Corn Flakes, you'd be instantly given any job anywhere.

    And now I'm singing Tori Amos' Cornflake Girl in my head.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lawns and landscaping are for your neighbors that are trying to sell their house. Because really, who wants to spend all that time mowing and weeding and planting...
    If I had it my way our yard would look like a weed-oretum. Then I could hunt for supper in there and camp out and maybe have a Bigfoot sighting! Then when we want to sell the place I'll mow and have the DNR come in and do a relocation thing for all the wild life and hippy's that moved in there.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I would take that item scanner thingie and then I'd start scanning random strangers babies and if suddenly a baby registers for .99 cents I'd buy the fucker. And they wouldn't be able to protest because their baby is on sale at the store, beetches,

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for showing my shit post some love, fellas. As for the pants, I think if they WERE made of Corn Flakes, you'd be instantly given any job anywhere.

    And now I'm singing Tori Amos' Cornflake Girl in my head.

    ReplyDelete